#like there is a demented lack of empathy here..

[sugas6thtooth]

i'm so...disgusted..seriously. cruel cruel people.

[cinemacentral666]

Titane (2021)

Movie #1,090 • Part of My JULIA DUCOURNAU Director Focus

This is the reason we are here.

I decided to watch all of Julia Ducournau's movies to date because of the "girl fucks a car" Palme d'Or winner, Titane (2021). What can I say? I'm a sucker for "girl fucks a car" Palme d'Or winners, I guess. That's what I could say. Write it on my tombstone.

This is clearly the best of the batch even though it's still flawed in many of the same ways Raw is. Like the insane vet school hazing rituals in that film, we find Ducournau's unique ability to construct scenes and scenarios that seem wholly implausible given the context. And I'm not even talking about the whole objectophilia/car-fucking thing or even any of the body horror! The insanely homoerotic fireman dance party/mosh pit comes to mind, for instance. It's not strange that a bunch of young firemen would get wild partying down with their brethren, but not that wild and not in that way. In a vacuum, this creates an uncanny valley effect that's good. But this is a movie that clearly doesn't want to exist in a vacuum. This is a movie which, painfully (in more ways than one!), wants you to distill its bonkers visual trappings into bigger, more universal ideas. And that's where the movie, again, fails. In part (again) because of a lack of character development with its protagonist, Alexia. It isn't that she's literally a serial killer. It's that she's a serial killer because her dad yelled at her one time to put her seatbelt on? And the ensuing accident after said event made her want to fuck cars and hate the human race in equal measures? OK. We both can't relate to and don't want to relate her, and furthermore: each point is moot because we're not given enough to begin with.

Thankfully, Vincent London as a depressed dad mourning the disappearance of his son offers a counterpoint and some empathy which completely salvage things on a structural level. The basis for his connecting with Alexia is hilariously far-fetched but that also feels intentional. Finally, there's a person in this world just as weird and screwed up as she is. This element was wholly missing from Raw and Titane is infinitely better for it.

And look, visually it's a ton of fun and completely demented. Who doesn't want to see a lady literally burst apart after the hyper-in utero transformation of being impregnated with a car baby? 10/10 no notes on that front.

In the end, truly trying to parse what this is actually about is a futile slog though. Color me daft, but every angle (it's a trans story! it's about motherhood! it's about stifling non-traditional sexualities!) left me rolling my eyes. Still, I'm happy a film as strange as this got made and I definitely want to see where Ducournau goes next.

SCORE: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[batsplat]

quick follow up to this bit

was also reminded of this valentino quote

He speaks about my shoulder like he was the best shoulder doctor in Melbourne Hospital.

what WERE they cooking

(I can't like. prove this because obviously we simply do not have solid 'evidence' for casey's thinking here either way, but given this is a speculative post about how I'd narrativise these rivalries.... do think the screenshot above is basically my theory for why casey had a thing about valentino's injuries. to such an extent that valentino picked up and commented on it! after laguna and throughout 2009, there were various waves of discourse about casey having been 'broken' by valentino - first due to casey's dip in form in 2008, then because he had to take some time off in 2009. the fact that it was an invisible illness that he himself could not explain in a sport that is all about the big, glaring obvious injuries - one that was treated as a sign of mental weakness, something he was ALWAYS susceptible to being accused of... very much the opposite of valentino's shoulder and leg in that sense, which was way easier to explain and was immediately taken seriously. my suspicion is that for casey, it was about not being extended the same grace as valentino was, being frustrated at how much leniency valentino was being granted when casey was always being harshly judged. of course, valentino (in classic demented rider fashion) was if anything downplaying the severity of the shoulder injury and only admitted after it was more or less healed that he'd been terrified by how long the recovery period had dragged on and had feared he would never be the same rider again. casey's lack of empathy on this count is completely justifiable and he does also obviously have a point, but it's still an interesting part of his character. it's what makes the rivalry with valentino so very interesting - there are lots and lots of ways in which valentino directly made casey's life miserable, but then there are other ways in which valentino's mere presence, his existence, someone whose treatment casey could compare his own to, that also contributed to casey's hatred towards him. firstly by getting more empathy than casey did and the general injustice in how the sport was 'always' on valentino's 'side' in a way it never was for casey, secondly by having this reputation of 'breaking' rivals that... well, y'know, valentino was presumably more than happy to be the beneficiary of the whole thing, but it's not like this was actually a line he spread himself, including with regards to casey. he didn't have to! it's kinda just... an awful coincidence that casey's 2009 absence was always going to be treated with suspicion and he HAPPENED to have a rival with valentino's very specific reputation?? the perfect storm! which gets you to this odd point where... if anything after that casey is the main instigator in terms of the sheer vitriol of the rivalry - but it's built on years of seething resentment that valentino at times almost seems taken aback by... and then reciprocates with interest because of course he does. because that's just how valentino ticks. fundamental lack of understanding for each other!! valentino kinda accidentally being casey's perfect foil!! casey having a million Legitimate Grievances against valentino but still somehow managing to project 85% of his other issues with the sport on valentino too!! they're soooooooooooooo. so!!)

if you were to direct a motogp movie (or make a one season of television) what season or rivalry would you make it about? and more interesting what artistic liberties would you take? it doesn’t have to be a straight up biopic bc imo those are often boring, instead it could be something like velvet goldmine (1998) aka fictional characters whose real life counterparts are pretty obvious, veering in like rpf territory. anyways👀

did you know. one time this guy put a curse on this other guy. and he never won a race again

anyway, look, I do feel like by this point that's the BORING answer from me, but obviously it's where my mind first went. I'm not sure I'd actually want it out there in film form because by now it's badly enough remembered that it's like, my cute little niche story, and I think there's something fun about the Wider World even within the motogp fandom not exactly getting how bonkers the whole thing was. (I know other humans have canonically watched motogp 2004 but I swear even journalists have forgotten some key key details and it's kinda annoying but also fun.) bold words from someone who's been blogging about it!! weird gatekeep-y instinct. but basically my job here is done as far as outreach is concerned - I wrote a very long post, now I get asks about it twice a week that allow me to think about it some more with the four other people who care, perfect balance. that rivalry doesn't need to go mainstream!! the whole point of it is that it's kinda cruel but narratively pleasing that it's gone under the radar, because it's another sign valentino won. but obviously, I cannot literally make a film about this, so the hypothetical repercussions I think maybe we can put aside for a moment here

okay I came back to this bit of the post after I increasingly got into of the spirit of coming up with dumb ideas, but it did make me flesh out what I'd even WANT from something like that. I'm with you anon, a lot of biopics are boring!! if you want to just know what happened, please just literally go and 'watch the races' and 'read books' like what are we actually getting here. you kinda want to give it a purpose for existing, right, a way of portraying real/mildly fictionalised events in a manner that is also taking some kind of stance on the material AND is doing stuff you can't do 'in real life'. thing is, look, you could make 2006 into a film, and I'm sure it'd be perfectly nice because it's fundamentally a solid underdog story (well, inherently winning a title with repsol honda is NOT being an underdog but you can write it that way), but also what are you doing beyond just telling people what happened? I feel like that generally about single seasons, they're not really doing anything for me. I was also turning around the biaggi/valentino rivalry in my head in part because that's the one valentino gave as his answer for 'rivalry he would turn into a film' (marc big wet eyes sitting right next to him), but like. a film about that rivalry from valentino's pov is fundamentally not something I'm interested in. you have all these isolated very memorable moments that make it work as a rivalry, like you can absolutely spin them into a dramatic yarn that goes through the genesis of their conflict to middle finger gate to punching gate to assen + donington + sachsenring + phillip island 2001 and it's basically *insert rousing music* successful coming of age. at most you can lean into the fact valentino became successful at being a dick. like idk it's fine but also what's the point? valentino is challenged in a sports context by biaggi, he's challenged because he realises his words have consequence and the press actually reports the words he says to journalists (the horror), but he is fundamentally not challenged on a personal level. that's the entire point, right? it's the ultimate comfort zone rivalry - biaggi is a dick who it is quite easy to hate and also reacts poorly to valentino's initial provocation. the animosity escalates and it is inherently fun to beat him. valentino is mean to him, but it's not like he even really crosses any lines to beat him. like you can make it into a film, and if you twisted the material a little bit you could make it satisfying, but I don't want to!

now the way the writing process of this post worked was that I was going to breeze through a bunch of non-sete/valentino rivalries and explain why I think some of them don't work for our purposes here, but then I ended up writing myself into changing my mind. so my take on the biaggi rivalry is that actually, you CAN make it work but it has to be from biaggi's perspective. basically, I think you've got to amadeus it (a web weave I have been thinking of making at some point btw). so,,, it's a meditation on talent and how unfair it all is, maybe minus the bit where salieri poisons amadeus (I know that doesn't happen in the film) or dresses up as amadeus' father to, y'know, make him write a requiem on his death bed. and it's not amadeus in that HERE, the clown prince gets a happy ending! but it's more like, in thematic terms, I think you have to zero in on this bit. biaggi didn't have parents who shoved him on a bike when he was three years old, he didn't have parents who were invested in his motorcycling career (or even necessarily particularly invested in him), he started the sport late and discovered that, yes, he did have a prodigious amount of skill in it - but one that he started honing far later than valentino did. he approached his career with a sort of grim resolve, surly and irascible and not interested in making friends with any of his competitors but very, very good. he goes away from the race track and dates all these models, he irritates fellow riders, he's not part of the gang and he's happy about it. he's very successful! four 250cc titles, wins his first ever race in 500cc at a time when doohan was very much winning everything. he's also just like,,,, an interesting and spiky enough character it's not hard to make him come alive

but then of course you have this gradual emergence of the amadeus character, the one who challenges his established position in the court of,, well... motorcycle racing, and also as the guy italians rooted for! and valentino's obviously, y'know, in so many ways the exact opposite from biaggi, and he's super young and cheerful and lively and is doing all his silly celebrations and is being a bit camp and goofy and treats motorcycle racing as a party (you really want to lean into the culture clash here, like in amadeus it's because you have stuffy austrian court vibes but here it's because everyone is having their bones broken every two minutes and just how... kinda grim a lot of motorcycle racing was). and he's also this innocent! yes, he insults biaggi, and yes, in retrospect we know valentino is kinda evil, but at the time he was a kid with a big mouth who was a little taken aback by how that biaggi feud sort of escalated beyond what he'd actually intended it to do! and biaggi just, hates him. and I think, sorry to the real man max biaggi here, but you've got to play with how once they're actually competing with each other, it's miserable how there's just this unbreachable gulf in talent. like, whatever biaggi does he cannot win! he isn't going to defeat valentino over the course of a full season! which is depressing and horrible and CRUEL, because there's this inevitability to the whole thing... and also! because valentino doesn't DESERVE it. and you don't have to go full salieri pleading with god to explain how god could give this CLOWN all this talent, but it's kinda the same vibe! how is it valentino, who is constantly just having a laff and canonically maybe wasn't the biggest gym-goer in the paddock and is just generally seen as, y'know, a bit of a dandy, this foppish clown who everyone loves and who doesn't have to work hard to be good - how is he the one who is winning so much!! it's miserable and unjust... and I think how you portray this is that you really emphasise the kinda, repetitive nature of the defeat. like, I think you probably want to make this into a non-linear narrative where all this biaggi backstory is communicated somehow but you don't just start it when he was born or whatever - you start it in 2001 when they're competing for a title and already hate each other. and then you heavy on the time loop vibes. the whole cinematic language and all that other shit should emphasise how all these weekends are structured in exactly the same way and if you're losing to this one guy, all these different weekends can start feeling the same. it bleeds into each other, it feels inescapable, you're trapped in this narrative you can't change... worst of all, you even return to the same places again and again - like play with that! biaggi keeps coming back to where they had the fist fight, to where valentino first insulted him all those years back. you play up the disorientation and the misery of it all, plus biaggi canonically gives us all this kinda messy freudian shit to play with like how he was dating 'valentina' and his relationship with her was falling apart because of how miserable valentino was making him. it's all there!!

ANYWAYS the way you conclude this story is!! welkom 2004!! so again we can artistic license this a little bit and, uh, ignore sete (though I do also think it's fun if you lean into biaggi being displaced as a rival and staring at them being friendly and happy with each other from the outside) - but the key bit is that valentino is finally making the big error. biaggi wasn't winning titles on a yamaha, since he left yamaha has gotten worse, now valentino is making this big mistake out of his own hubris. language of cinema that shit and make everything brighter and more hopeful.... the time loop is finally over, biaggi has escaped, this year will be different!!!! everyone in his circle agrees, valentino is fucked. step off the plane at welkom (pre season testing didn't happen in this universe) and it's literal dawn of a new day... staring out at the sun and finally, biaggi can move on, can live a new and different life. anyway. obviously we all know what's coming next - you have this big dramatic climactic race where biaggi throws himself at valentino again and again and again and he comes so close to winning it... but he doesn't. and you have valentino living his best life, being delighted, but the film is focusing on how like,,, we're bleaching the joy back out of biaggi's life, how actually he's returning to what he already knew. and it ends on the podium, with the camera focusing on biaggi on that fucking second step or zooming in or whatever (idk how cinema works) and it just finishes on this shot of biaggi dead-eyed in a bleak world, trapped again for eternity aka until the end of the 2005 season. done!! I'm not sure this is quite what valentino had in mind, but. well. that's how I'd do it

this is from the pushkin play from 1832 not the 1984 film but like. low key pushkin already kinda nailed the essence of sports rivalries in the 1830s and we just have to acknowledge that sometimes

right. so the casey rivalry is where I'm going to go completely off the wall. skip this bit to get to the slightly saner stuff. this is also one I fully admit to sometimes playing around with in my mind anyway, but. uh. I'm gonna be taking this one in just. well. places. I do have a vision here but I also don't quite know how to explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound like I've lost my mind, but well if you're still reading this then that's on you. so lemme get this out of the way: the classic sports biopic formula would work well with casey. if I had to point to a single rider I would sports biopic-ify, it's casey. so you have all this kinda,, obvious adversity that's easy to get across, and it's a narrative you can follow chronologically without too much trouble. you've got all the childhood stuff, the australian racing club not letting him join them, the move to britain, the rising through the ranks, it's also this very biopic-friendly 'nobody ever believed in him apart from like three people' stuff. and the premier class is also narratively satisfying, from the rocky rookie season to the kinda shock success to then all the lows of 2008 and 2009 and the physical ailments and the anxiety and then the switch to honda and the title and then him deciding to retire... that's all good stuff! you can absolutely biopic-ify it! gun to my head and sure, I can walk you through exactly what bits of his life I'd focus on and put in what order and so on, and I think ultimately you could make a very good sports biopic from that

[some mild gore to follow in this next section]

but also. thing is. that's fine. it's just not where I want to go here, because again I feel like at that point you can also pick up his autobiography and just read it - because what you're basically doing here is just filming that. and I get how this stuff works, you're bringing the story to a wider audience, you can show stuff in a different way in that medium etc etc, and that's all great but also I don't care about bringing stuff to a wider audience. I care about doing fun stuff in my brain. so what I'd actually do here is just, basically, go in the exact opposite direction and ditch all the realism. genuinely, ditch the live action stuff, we're going animated - what I'm interested in here is stuff where we need to be able to fully suspend our disbelief and lean into some surreal shit. I'm not going to bury the lede here: my idea is that you take that thing where casey said he hated how ducati was ruining the bike by letting valentino's yellow encroach on it and, basically,, just go all in on that bit. like come on, that is so singularly visually evocative, it truly captures a lot of what's going on thematically in that rivalry. (see also x and x for the most relevant casey posts.) casey sees valentino as the malevolent force, this infection! he associates him strongly with a specific colour, one that can be sickly or unnatural or just... evil. malignant, malicious, malevolent, all the m words. to casey, valentino is a personification of everything that is wrong with the sport. valentino is literally the walking manifestation for so many of his issues, from the dangerous riding to the lack of respect to the lying to the cult of personality to the obsession with image and the media to the backroom games to the politics to the injustice of how different riders are treated differently, like!! he's literally all of that! this is a topic for another post, but this plays out in a lot of kinda, weird and funky ways where it's a two way street and sometimes when casey talks about motogp you go 'actually I think that's just valentino?' (btw he also does this about 'europe' right I don't think those are europeans you hate casey that's literally just valentino) and sometimes when he talks about valentino it's kinda? this feels like it's about a little more than the bloke himself? and basically, right, I think you need to take this to its natural conclusion where casey used to admire him and look up to him and want to emulate him on track and then gets disillusioned when valentino's worshippers turn against casey and casey is the one to bring valentino down to earth and... listen, I think you need to play around with valentino being a literal god. and I think you need to have casey stab him to cover up the yellow on the ducati with blood

okay. look. the idea here, right, is that we're basically making the subtext text, and just digging into that process of 'bringing valentino back to earth', of taking on a god and having the audacity to succeed, and also treating valentino as this sort of. infection in his own mind. the bike is literally being infected!! casey may have left the ducati but he STILL has some fidelity and love for this project, those were his people he worked with, and now valentino is coming in and just twisting everything around himself!! but also I think how this functions is that, okay, so you have all this normal stuff that's the actual 'plot' in the 'real world', but the ISSUE with the real world is that there's a lot of stuff that just. isn't possible there. like the thing casey wants in that rivalry but is never going to have is... a captive audience. a big problem casey has in that rivalry is that he doesn't get the chance to actually say a lot of stuff to valentino. he starts using the media more and more and plays the game on valentino's level, but there's still this disconnect where mr straight talking is the valentino rival who valentino never really blanks or freezes out like... there's a disconnect! there's valentino the person, who casey never quite figures out how to just straight up hate, and then there's valentino the character, the racer, the rider, the god who casey DESPISES. but when they're doing small talk at pressers and podiums, casey doesn't get to talk to that version of valentino! he just talks to valentino the person, who obviously isn't literally a different person but is also not going to explain to casey where he's coming from, is he, and also isn't someone who casey can explain to where HE is coming from. and that gulf... it does bother casey. I don't think he can quite verbalise why either, but there's just... this creeping tension. I think it'd be easier for casey if valentino really were more of a caricature, just kinda a dick in all walks of life. and there's just these canonical hints of that... the way casey talks about how he's sure valentino as a guy is fine, but he never knew valentino like that, the whole 'I'd like to go with valentino for dinner to tell him where I was coming from in that rivalry' thing, like!! it's there

so basically EYE think what you should be doing is using the wonders of storytelling to actually. embrace that element. and just leave realism behind now and again. valentino is a god, he is literally worshipped, he's part of this pantheon that casey is trekking to reach. casey is brave enough to take him on in combat, he is the first one who is truly able to draw blood. he sees how valentino isn't just a god of joy or battles or speed or the SUN or any of that other stuff - he's a disease, an illness, a god who is also a false prophet... the worship never quite goes away, because who ever truly gets rid of their valentino rossi complex, but casey eventually is given the chance to face a chained valentino and kinda,,, ritualistically publicly humiliate him using the ducati as both this sick thing that has to be 'cured' and this symbol of valentino's failure. I'm sorry, visual language goes brr here, like chain him up, do weirdly eroticised torture idc!! (psst psst valentino's fucked up shoulder also extremely goes brr here, casey low key a teensy bit weird about valentino's injuries? his thing after the 2010 leg break where he goes 'why's everyone making such a big deal about this other people break their limbs too' and then after 2011 jerez immediately asking whether valentino's shoulder is okay in just a very obviously passive aggressive way. literally he opens with that, valentino isn't using it as an excuse or anything, for some reason it's already on casey's mind and I would politely contest it was out of genuine concern for valentino's wellbeing!! it's just kinda? I'm so compelled by it? I suppose it is kinda about how valentino's suffering gets taken more seriously than his own? how those absences are received differently by the motogp world? idk I find this fun because casey does know this is one thing valentino can't really be blamed for himself, so it just slips out a bit? but yeah, casey + valentino's injuries, nobody's talking about it but I sure will, let casey get weird and mean and a teensy bit sadistic about valentino's injuries in an artistic manner.) crucially I like animation as a medium here because I think it's easier to lean into surrealism when you don't have to hand hold the audience so much through the suspension of realism, also there's just some imagery you can do in cooler ways through animation where in live action it may just look. weird. (I think you can also do one of those things where you have a live action film with only those specific bits animated but also... why? it just feels like in live action you need more 'justifications' for things, like am I saying casey is having some weird hallucinations and is losing his mind? no I just want to have weird vision sequences ffs.) the colour stuff!! valentino/casey is big on the colour coding as a rivalry, to the extent casey is even, y'know, drawing attention to it in the literal text!! yellow and red are banger colours, valentino is big on imagery himself with all his sun + moon motifs, it's kind of all there to make the easy next step to kinda zany surreal imagery. ritualistic stabbing works better in animation, you can kinda get the blood to like. drip down and overwhelm the yellow illness that's slithered out across the bike

and. AND of course what this entire set up allows you to do is.... give them an opportunity to talk. they can't talk in real life! casey CAN'T give him his real thoughts on anything, and fundamentally valentino can't either. they're opponents. they're strangers who chat sometimes. it's not just that they aren't friends, it's that fundamentally they cannot be friends - because their ability to do their actual jobs depends on a certain level of professional distance. valentino of course does have a decent read on casey, and vice versa, because when you're figuring out how to defeat someone then (if you're valentino) you're looking to play the rider too. valentino's entire approach depends on focusing in on his rivals and attempting to throw them off, to make them unravel. he's watching casey closely!! the entire journey of casey's first three seasons in the premier class essentially becomes like, this god of their world focusing in on him. figuring him out. trying to gnaw away at him. obviously, animation also allows you to go big on the panopticon-y imagery which is kinda fundamental to their rivalry, because of their fundamentally oppositional stances to 'performing' for the ever present cameras where there IS a little bit of common ground in they have both struggled with it. but valentino isn't going to ever say that to casey! casey isn't going to open up to valentino! so if you give them,, you know, a different arena to express themselves, where casey actually has this external figure to talk to (as he's like, cutting him open I guess) whereas valentino actually is put in a position where he's allowed to respond, where he can taunt casey a little bit, where he can interrogate casey's approach and also the similarities between the two of them and how casey has been forced to become a little more like valentino to challenge him... because the thing is, right, valentino is so big on message discipline with his rivals and has completely stopped talking about that rivalry post mid 2013 that, first of all, you have this complete imbalance in who's been telling this story for the past decade, but second of all you kinda don't have a sense of what valentino would respond? idk!! I think this is mainly fun as a thought exercise for me specifically but also I do think it's kinda, digging into some of the bits that make this narratively work as a rivalry, how valentino in this rivalry is actually just kinda... removed. like he's not really emotional about it!! at most he's a bit bitchy, but even that just feels about The Game. it's the most extreme in this regard followed by jorge - but with valentino's other feuds you kinda... see a bit more an unguarded moment, see something a little more real there. the casey rivalry feels so uncomfortable precisely because valentino is a little... inhuman in this one. I mean, if you want to have valentino as some kind of cross between a deity and a monster in any of his feuds, this is the one. casey's just an obstacle to him. idk don't you think casey kinda wants to chain valentino down and stab him and make him see casey a little more... well, I think he should want it and I think it'd be fun to see and get them to talk to each other. ugh and also all the implications of making the faith vs non-believer elements more literal... casey the heretic!!!

there's some obvious stuff here you'd have to figure out, like 'how do you make this work as a narrative even to people who aren't familiar with casey stoner at all' and 'who the fuck do you think the target audience is here' and 'you do know this is not the kind of thing that would ever be made, right, go back to the casey stoner sports biopic like a sane person' but!! I do think it's material you can make work if you're just,,, efficient and smart in how you're actually telling the 'real life' version of the rivalry. also in my head this is. idk. an animated limited series not a film, which then brings in other stuff like 'episodic structure' because I'm fundamentally opposed to tv shows that think they're films. and look, I'm not going to write an entire film script treatment here, I just think a good writer can figure this stuff out. blood on the ducati is the framing device for everything else, simple. lots of animated floating eyes I reckon, first casey is watching valentino and then valentino is watching casey and the whole world is watching them... and it does bleed into real life just a little, where you're wondering whether casey is actually imagining/dreaming this stuff or valentino is or if they both know it somehow... you can get away with more ambiguity in animation. anyway, if you do want more thoughts on this one specifically for whatever reason, let me know because this one I do actually have more on

also laguna 2008 is a bit tortoise and the hare coded if you really think about it

[end of gore]

so. on to jorge. hm. the thing about jorge is that he was kinda writing a coming of age film in his own head, so like - yes, that's what you do go for? you can play it straight and follow how jorge has cast his rivals, or you can pin the whole narrative on the fact that jorge has cast them - the kinda artificiality of the narrative, the way jorge is this storyteller who isn't being recognised as much as he thinks he should be, isnt adequately appreciated. the way there's this three way discourse between what jorge thinks the story is and what the public thinks the story is and actual. you know. reality. I think this is a bit more light-hearted, like you know how the best stories about teenagers take their emotions seriously but also let them be kinda silly? because young people are silly! jorge was silly! he's got a lot of CHARM because he's so cocky and naive and full on and intense and awkward and kinda off-putting and tactless and a bit all over the place and so painfully, painfully young, like he's a good protagonist because that's a KID. but also, obviously there's also a lot of extremely not light-hearted bits of his story - everything about his father, his manager... idk this one's another one where, I don't just want to make it a generic sports biopic, and I'm trying to figure out the clear narrative arc here? I mean, you can point to the end of 2010 and really lean into him choosing victory on-track over popularity off it. the problem with 2010 is that it does not work as a dramatic season, yeah sure with the magic of biopics you can hack at it to shit but also. idk. what are we getting out of it. I think for narrative purposes you want to maybe narrow in, and end it at the end of 2008, with the switching of the numbers this kind of moment of emancipation? but also! this feels like we're straying a bit too far away from the fun sports elements and I don't want to REALLY suggest all the ways in which you could mine jorge's personal trauma in a jokey tumblr post, so I'm gonna move on from this one

the problem is 2015 just straight up doesn't work as a jorge-centric narrative, except in a very kinda comic way that leans into how absurd his role in that season was. 2012 as a season is a bit... y'know, it's fine. okay it's mostly terrible, but that's fine too. but it doesn't have a great narrative hook. which kinda leads you to the problem that I do think the valentino rivalry is more... juicy from jorge's pov, because for valentino, jorge is just kinda? an obstacle? idk he's more normal about it, it's just his job to destroy the guy, you know how it is. but also 2009 does work better narratively from valentino's pov, like it's the build up to catalunya specifically you can dramaticise... idk though, I do love catalunya but my heart isn't really in this exercise because I think valentino isn't really being... challenged here? it's a title fight where he's fundamentally using a set of tools he's already perfected, to beat a guy he doesn't really give a shit about. when the italian press is down on him pre catalunya, it doesn't spark any genuine self-doubt - it's just a handy source of extra motivation. there's no epic highs or lows that season, not real ones. and yes I know I was talking about making valentino who gets stabbed repeatedly to cover up an infection a moment ago, but that reflected real EMOTIONAL truths!! I'm committed to thematic fidelity more than I am to literal fidelity

genuinely I think the best way to tackle jorge is with the jorge/dani parallel journeys... what, film? tv show? maybe show actually - you don't have one coherent narrative Statement per se but you're constantly charting those journeys in reference to each other, really rooting it in their respective points of views, no neutral detached cinematic language like I want everything to be very much written to be from their eyes!! going from one to the other and back again. and you're charting these different journeys, right, and how they both captured different flavours of like... emotional successes and failures. I think it's actually about failure, yeah, about having to accept there's something you can't have and might never be able to get - whether that's universal love or a premier class title or whatever - but Actually, that might not be the end of the world. and during this process, they go from being enemies to tentative friends!! guys who realise they can maybe actually understand each other better than they thought!! this real moment of interpersonal connection. you have all these media narratives and the managers and so on and the fact they're competitors as these built in reasons why they've just been pitted against each other from the start... but y'know, again, it is also just a bit about maturing, about being able to set that aside, about making your peace with defeat and failure as an element of growing up. you can't win everything, maybe there's something you really really really want and you're just not going to get it, but at the end of the day it's kinda... yeah. self-acceptance. idk this is the nice one

so with marc you can go several different ways here I guess, and again he's also perfectly decent sports biopic material, probably second to casey in that category like yeah sure do the comeback story. but also, we do already have a very good self-produced documentary about what he thinks the narratives of his career are? idk this is also just a personal taste thing, I'll leave him to doing all the injury stuff himself, I don't have much to add there. we'll get to the obvious one in a second, but I was trying to figure out if there were other places I massively felt like you need the cinematic touch. and, again, the 2013 season is obviously very exciting!! but also, you have it covered in.,,,, multiple documentaries, I don't feel I have a take their either? his rivalries with dani and jorge aren't really substantive enough to sustain a bit of cinema. dovi... I mean, what are you saying there? what's the arc? I feel like if I tackled dovi, I'd go somewhere else and really go all in with the ducati stuff, and make it a bit more... you know, stark, stripped back, basically just the emotional component of how much he gave to that project and how he managed to beat away one rival after the next and how it all ended up falling apart in a kind of anti-climactic way? he's also good sports biopic material, but in a way I think the marc rivalry is the bit of his story I have the least to say on. so eg, 2017 is a dramatic season, but he's also kinda fine after it? he always knew it was a long shot, he tried his best and he got really close and then he lost. you can't amadeus it because dovi isn't (fictional) salieri. basically, I think what I'm saying here is that dovi is too well-adjusted to feature in this post. though I'd totally watch a film about his 250cc seasons, like it's a bit annoying because HE is the underdog who loses both title fights to jorge, but it'd still be kinda fun idk. I wouldn't really know what to do with the material but if someone made the film I'd absolutely watch it

right then. the thing about sepang 2015 is... yeah, sure, of course you can do it, it already exists as a narrative but... yeah, what are you adding!! idk I always think when you're adapting something, you kinda need to have a reason for it? I mean, what are you doing that's not already there in the footage? idk maybe this is just a sign of having been a fan of this sport for one too many years but to me the idea of sepang 2015 can get a bit boring (or maybe just repetitive) where I need a new TAKE on it to really get into the idea of fictionalising it. like where's the auteur's touch y'know, what can I still add to this!! but it also needs to WORK for someone who is new to the story, which kinda just makes you want to tell the story straight.... y'know the story is strong enough and COMPLICATED enough to stand on its own and it IS good but I don't really have anything interesting to say beyond 'yeah sure that'e be neat'. I can't tell you why, but I also don't think the casey approach quite works here? the idea of providing a framing device with which valentino and marc can actually talk to each other... eh. don't like that. hm. okay wait actually I just turned it around in my head for... a while and I think I've got an idea to make the worst motorcycle racing film of all time. so, my central stupid film-making gimmick here is just. centring the fact we're completely reliant on a few guys and what they're telling us in making up our minds, and our removal from that story and the imperfection of their perceptions and so on. so I think you kinda make a point of... not actually showing the motorcycle racing? like, you always show it by showing other people watching it, you're showing the tv screen rather than the actual racing. even in the cinematic medium, you're centring the theatrical aspects, where you drill it down to just a few characters. valentino. marc. uccio. marc's fuck ass manager. maybe a crew chief or two. keep it limited though, all the others are kept at a distance - you're constantly focusing in on the same few characters. and very early on you basically just like... get them to fourth wall break by telling you, the viewer, with their actual words how racing works for them, what meaning they take out of it - and again it's this remove because we're never allowed to actually feel the racing for ourselves (no helmet cams), and it sets up that as the tragedy unfolds, again and again we're just hearing from them what happened. it's all zoomed in on how claustrophobic the entire situation is, like doing the race direction room after the sepang 2015 is perfect for that kind of thing, and crucially they're only ever addressing the audience because they can't address each other. but fourth wall breaks also obviously draw attention to artificiality! I realise they are very much like, lame gimmick central, but also are these men not inherently about lame gimmicks... idk it's basically the same story but at least it feels like a kinda interesting way of telling it. kinda trite, but cinema allows you to get to the point and let valentino actually play with the camera... so literally take it into his own hands and lead it around and tell the story from his point of view. and you can play with how they do both change in what stories they think they're telling, how they're constantly revising their own stories, how their stories completely clash with each other... like. make them literal narrators. that's my pitch

so. one interesting pattern that has come up with my approaches to these rivalries is that with the exception maybe of the 2015 stuff, I feel like I'm more naturally inclined to treat valentino as a narrative device and centre his rivals. a big part of this is that valentino is a fantastic narrative device. he's kinda. this looming presence in every narrative in this sport where you can just sort of use him as a sort of way to poke away at all these other riders. the monster everyone loves who you are trapped with. BOO!! he's gonna eat you! which is fun! but ALSO, crucially, several of these rivalries aren't that emotionally challenging for him!! again, with casey right, he wants to beat him, but he's not having a crisis of faith over losing to casey. he thinks casey is annoying, he wants to beat him because he wants to win. valentino is casey's foil, but casey is not valentino's. valentino makes for an excellent personal antagonist to casey, but the reverse just isn't true. casey isn't forcing valentino to reexamine his approach except 'ramping up the levels of being a dick on-track' - like, yes, that's a serious competitive challenge, but also valentino is very comfortable in his own skin in that rivalry. sure, you could have valentino have some kind of massive revelation about the casey rivalry, but like. he doesn't in canon. he changes his behaviour towards casey in pretty predictable ways depending on what the relationship demands from his perspective at any given time. there's nothing more there

now, obviously you know where I'm going here. there IS a rivalry where you can make the argument he changes as a result of it, there IS a rivalry that tips him over the line and makes him to do stuff he hadn't done before that, there IS a rivalry that happens to coincide with a period of his competitive life that challenges him both personally and professionally. now, look, I have already talked about the sete rivalry. you know what I think about this rivalry - and if you don't, I really already have told the story here and here and here and here and also here. I think this works perfectly well as a narrative in its own right, and it's one you can tell from either perspective... but you kinda need both. I think again you probably naturally lean towards starting it from sete's perspective and that first proper meeting (I mean, idk if it is their first actual meeting, but it's the logical obvious place you start this story) with sete giving valentino advice during his first 500cc test and valentino just, y'know, ignoring him and being a cocky shit and then crashing. so you get to see sete being kinda exasperated by the whole thing. also, obviously ibiza is like, a key framing device here, like it's the most obvious in-your-face way of tracking their relationship with each other. I don't actually know how often they partied there together, but it must have been at least twice and if the commentators are to be believed it must have included 2003. artistic license and you can add one or two more times, but mainly you want to focus in on 2003 onwards right. so you've got this 2002 one where it's, y'know, high point of their friendship and in the name of narrative efficiency, you establish here that sete is looking to make the honda switch. the emphasis is on how valentino has been winning everything but on the flip side you're getting the first insight into his discontent. and there's a bit of a vibe of, what could you possibly have to complain about? like you are winning so much? so it's late one night where they've had this slightly unguarded alcohol-fuelled moment of genuine vulnerability but in the end it's actually characterised by how... unsubstantial the link between them is, because they wouldn't talk about this kind of thing with each other and they might both be similar in some ways but also don't gettttttt each other. it means you can return there as a location in 2003, where you've just had sachsenring and valentino's dramatic loss but they're still partying together and it's like. obviously In The Air that not everything is quite right... their relationship is already gradually altered and twisted because you're introducing this element of actual stakes and competition (obviously in 2004 they do NOT spend that time together, as far as we know anyway, and you can show them being very much not together at ibiza as a very obvious Oooh Things Will Fall Apart and maybe already haveeee)

and I do think basically I've already said what I think the themes here are,,,, several times by this point, so I'm not going to belabour the point. I think all of this fundamentally works as a narrative with like, minimal massaging and rearranging of the elements for dramatic effect. it's all there already, everything from sete's arc with the [insert non-tasteless way of covering a real life tragedy that fundamentally alters the course of sete's career] and how that leads to sete becoming the challenger and how he does want to win and his eventual downfall. with valentino, you have the element of liberation and self-discovery and... well, growing into your own but also kinda having the narrative drawing attention to how 'growing into your own' can involve becoming a fully realised character who is essentially quite cruel? you have this kind of... build up, right, towards this moment of revelation, where you lay bare who these two people actually ARE at sepang 2004, and then again at jerez 2005. valentino has gone his own way, he has freed himself from the chains of honda, he has embraced individualism and the chance to define himself and his own legacy and stand on his own two feet and not rely on the strongest bike or all this stuff within honda where they chose him as their flag bearer, for better or for worse... like he comes to his own here! he takes the step from 'great rider' to 'legend' because he gets to this dramatic moment of stepping into the unknown, he takes this massive risk that could have cost him so much, and it ends up elevating him. but it also puts him under duress, and in that moment he reveals himself - whatever sete did or did not do at qatar 2004, EVEN IF sete did all that shit, what you are left with is valentino vowing to ruin this man. valentino uses sete to make himself 'better', to fuel himself as a competitor. valentino turns sete into a tool in his own story. and again, thematically you've got all this stuff about how sete was managing the image of the rivalry and how valentino took advantage of that - how sete needed it to remain respectful and valentino was completely willing to abandon that. like, you have two protagonists who really are similar in quite a few ways, who think they have this shared understanding with each other, but when it comes down to it? they end up being super painfully different

now I can go on about this and how to play it straight, basically, you can just do that rivalry and I think it'd be cool and fun and very easy to arrange in a good narrative way. BUT I've kind of already. done that. like I don't want to suggest a film that is basically a nicer version of my tumblr posts. so I want to take this in a slightly different direction, and I think what we need to consider with this rivalry is this: what if you made the curse literal? basically, what's always kinda charmed me about this rivalry is that the curse should not work and all the misfortune that befalls sete after that is so comical that it's kinda... what do you do with that? and the answer is you just lean all the way in. my pitch is this: what if valentino sells his soul to the devil?

so, you know faust, right, and you know the bit at the start of goethe's faust where god and mephistopheles are basically making a wager over how corruptible this one human is. and faust is like... he's kinda disillusioned, he feels that everything he's dedicated his life to in academia is fundamentally hollow, gets very close to committing suicide. and faust has gone a bit new age-y, gotten into all this mystical shit and he's got this pentagram that ends up preventing mephistopheles from leaving his presence in their first meeting... and basically what the devil can give him is like, the chance to attain some true pleasure, and for that faust is willing to bet everything - so if faust can just have that, then maybe eternal damnation is worth it. and look, I'm not going to summarise the entire plot of faust here and it does go off the wall a bit with all the gretchen stuff, but the point is you have this version of the devil who is fundamentally a cynic and is attempting to win an argument with god by making this human succumb to his own nihilism. and what faust basically does is like, abandon his normal life where he's trying to live by normal virtues and goes off on this journey with the devil. and there's this little moment where mephistopheles,,, pretends to be faust and takes on the role of an academic adviser (you know how it is) and seduces this random student away from the word of god and sends him down a wretched path, which ends with this bit:

like, a big part of faust's tragedy is supposed to be about... well, hubris, of the relationship of god to man, of no longer being afraid of the devil... and obviously, this is all framed very much in terms of religion, but at the end of the day it's also about, you know, having purpose - faust is living a life that no longer has any meaning to him, all of his knowledge and studies now no longer fill the void inside himself. his nihilism opens the door for mephistopheles, and is what makes him willing to accept the devil's terms. now, and I am so very sorry to goethe here, I think we have some material we can use here to explore the valentino/sete rivalry. obviously, you can't do a one-to-one, you need to get rid of some of like, the depression and all that - there were times when valentino was feeling 'a bit low' in 2003, but not 'faust thinking everything he'd done in his entire life was pointless' low, yeah? also, unless you want to do a real long view here and even then it can't really be justified, there obviously isn't really a 'tragedy' here from valentino's perspective. like, he wins! this isn't valentino's tragedy, it's sete's! I was being a bit facetious when I said he was 'selling his soul to the devil', and you can kinda parse mephistopheles' motivations in different ways depending on what flavour and what interpretation of him you're dealing with here. you don't 'damn' valentino, you essentially just turn him into a tool of the devil!

so, this is how this works out in my head: the devil works more broadly as the manifestation of competitive impulses, the kind of 'how far would you go to win' question as a bloke who shows up and literally talks to the characters about it (magic of cinema). he's also engaging with valentino feeling like his victories no longer having meaning, with being disconnected from honda and from the entire culture there and just feeling like he's going through the motions. there's this element of like... opening the door to what is essentially a journey of self-actualisation, bringing him closer to being a 'god' but also allowing him to fully come into his own and become himself. to win on his own terms. I reckon ibiza is my preferred narrative device where the devil talks both to sete and valentino there (separately), first literally as a mysterious stranger and then... maybe not? he's talking to them at times of their lives when they're not at ibiza and it's not happening there in the physical world and they both end up kinda having to confront they're dealing with some potentially malevolent supernatural entity. but the important elements of the devil is that a) he's not going to do anything the humans don't actually ask for themselves, and b) everyone knows he's following his own agenda and you should be careful of the requests you make of him. so it's kinda like... essentially, the backdrop of this rivalry unfolding is they're constantly being challenged to decide what lines they're willing to cross. which culminates at qatar... and maybe you do have sete making like. a teensy mistake. a teensy error in judgement, one that is both real and deliberate but he could not have known would get that reaction and instantly regrets. and valentino, who is I think inherently sceptical of the devil coming to offer to help him and maybe does crank out the pentagrams (remember, the whole point of faust is that he was too arrogant to be scared of the devil, or one of the points anyway), in a moment of fury does decide - no, actually. I will take that step. I will curse sete. now the thing is, dramatically this is a teensy bit tricky because when you're talking about being damned by the devil, usually the consequences are a bit more severe than 'not winning a motorcycle race again' (yes, you can get into how sete did also seem genuinely cursed after that, cf his ambulance/bus crash situation, but again we are flirting with being in poor taste in this tumblr post). but the thing is, right, you have to lean into the silliness here! qatar 2004 is inherently silly, a CURSE is inherently silly, like real life is already silly here! you have to engage with the people where they are, and for these athletes all this shit is so heightened that the emotions are full on. like, valentino would've sold that guy to the devil! and to him not winning another race is basically the worst thing that can happen

so, obviously, you get to do the actual curse stuff. curses are inherently campy fun, the devil doing curses is campy fun, getting valentino rossi to crank out the pentagrams is inherently campy fun. you get to play around with this, right, like you know that bit in the brno 2005 race commentary where the commentators are talking about how valentino might as well have a little radio to talk into sete's helmet to remind him of how sete had fucked up at the sachsenring. OBVIOUSLY obviously obviously it is just so... idk scrunchy and fun to have this idea of valentino becoming a malevolent enough force to literally do that.... like damn the commentators did kinda eat with that?? ughhhhhh do you ever think about sete leading the qatar 2005 race for most of the way???? like that's SO fucked up because you literally have articles from about the race going 'hey maybe sete can break his curse' and then the commentators are talking about curses having one year expiration dates but obviously they!! do not!!!!! there's one race where sete goes off track and the commentators are talking about how valentino will surely have smiled into his helmet like that's so fucked!! it's so fucked!! but idk I think basically you have all this creeping curse-y stuff and devil stuff and then you get this twist and then it just becomes misery zone for sete until you sort of. compress the timeline and have him retire without getting into what happened at the end of 2006. and valentino just relishing in all his very worst emotions. and you've got sete who was the better man after jerez 2005, who took the high ground again and again and again and it did NOTHING for him.... and then he's cursed and his career is finished and the devil has had his fun getting mixed in with mid noughties motogp. and now obviously this is inherently kinda dumb and corny and silly but it's the devil!! mephistopheles to me is allowed to get up to dumb shit sometimes, let him have some fun!! idk I like curses being literal idc

I think the obvious critique here is 'this doesn't really feel like it gets the message of faust'. which, yes, is true - and obviously the way narratives are structured, a satisfying resolution isn't 'well selling your soul kinda slaps, actually'. and my statement to respond to this argument is as follows:

this is essentially canonically what happened. valentino DID do something kinda evil and it DID work out 100% for him and it DID kinda slap. at least when you add in the devil, you're making explicit the bit where it is a little bit bad. also, is sports not inherently about selling your soul for success... the story of valentino and sete is essentially about how we are twisted by competition, how pretending that we don't wish ill to our opponents is inherently dishonest. it is about lifting a facade for something that is already inherently there in the souls of men. this is obviously inherently a deeply cynical stance, but this is also a deeply cynical story beyond all the fun battles and camp dramatics. the devil is a cynic and he is basically the point of view character of goethe's faust - he's the one who is positioned closest to the audience. sports is all about living out some of humanity's worst instincts in a relatively low stakes setting, which means we get a free pass to have fun with a deeply cynical story that goes 'maybe selling your soul to the devil is fine, actually'

do I stand by this stance? not really, but the whole fun of storytelling is that sometimes you can just be kinda mean. I think goethe would get it... you can tell which character he enjoyed writing the most

the OTHER way you can do this is centre everything around qatar 2004 as like,,, the mystery box element...... okay look I have now made two posts that go WAY too deep on the 'what really happened' element but I do loveeeeee the whole thing like I would just make a film about that very end of the season and we show it from all these different angles as different characters narrate what happened... like fuck all the riders I want to hear from whichever mechanic used the scooter... the gresini mechanic who gave evidence to race direction.... various honda higher ups the crew chiefs like this is jb vs juan martinez it's war!!! obviously you still have the same emotional/thematic hooks as the general rivalry does but idk I would have a LOT of fun figuring out how to structure that, I loveeee mysteries... maybe I'd write it as a mockumentary yeah..... this one's just fun

anyway. a lot of stuff going on in this post, huh! you can probably tell I didn't edit this much. my classic tell when I edit my tumblr posts is I remember how 'paragraphs' work. unfortunately all I have energy for are like. a bunch of rants about things in my brain. I think when tumblr tells you that you've reached the maximum number of characters per paragraph and you need to figure out where to put a break, it's probably a bad thing? on the whole, my stance is I don't have anything AGAINST mildly fictionalised versions, but for me I'm always more of a.... well I want to take advantage of the full specificity of the events as they happened or just come up with a completely original story. kind of person. I know this ask probably wasn't looking for my 'what if you bled out valentino as he's strung up above a red motorcycle' vision but yeah. with a lot of biopics I'm always a bit 'well you could just read about this couldn't you' like I need stuff to take some kind of a stance on the material it's using... all my stuff takes a stance. that's all I've got. obviously all these stances mean that basically none of these things could ever be made. and I know what I said above but if they called me up to write the casey stoner biopic script treatment, I would also do that. if you've actually read to this point, give me a shout - you're a real one and I love you

[aaronexplainsitall]

LOL when it comes to glee Quinn Fabray is the perfect example of you cannot blame her for being unhinged. Shelby coming back like hi you didn’t ask for this but here’s your biological baby you’ve desperately tried to move on from!’

RIGHT?? When Shelby is like, “I cannot BELIEVE you tried to frame me to social services”, I’m like... well, I can believe it? I can absolutely believe that happened?

The lack of empathy that the kids have for Quinn is actually really accurate to what teenagers are like, because they haven’t fully resolved their me vs. us biological dilemma yet, that’s why you get bullying. But the adults having so little compassion for Quinn? Garbage. She fell pregnant, got KICKED OUT OF HER HOME, gave the baby up for adoption, reconciled herself to never seeing her baby again and then the woman who adopted her baby CAME BACK and was like “you can see the baby but only when I want you to”, and then proceeded to lecture her about not being mature!!

Unhinged. Demented. Deranged.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #18: Elisabeth Báthory (Again)

Okay, let’s try to do this right this time.

Welcome back to Fate and Phantasms, where we’re building every servant in Fate Grand Order in Dungeons and Dragons 5e. Last time we tried to build Elisabeth, but we ended up making her caster form instead, so this time we’re going to do things properly. For this build, we have three goals:

Idol Hands: Elisabeth can inspire and terrify in equal measure, sometimes doing both to the same person.

Dragon Tails:  Elisabeth is part dragon, giving her a sonic breath weapon and the power of flight.

Remember her class this time!: Elisabeth Bathory is a lancer, so she needs to be good at lancing.

As usual, a spreadsheet for this build is over here, and there’s a detailed explanation below the cut!

This is still the same Elisabeth as the last time, so we’re using the same background and stats to start off. Feel free to skip ahead if you read the last one.

Race and Background

You start things off as a Dragonborn, giving you +2 Strength and +1 Charisma. Some people would say this is leaning too far into the dragon bit, but if we want that Breath Weapon, this is the race we need. Pink dragons don’t exist in DnD, so we’ll say the Báthory family is descended from a Red Dragon, making your breath weapon a 15′ cone of fire that requires a dex save of 8 + your constitution modifier + your proficiency. On a fail, creatures in your way take 2d6 damage, or half on a success. This bumps up to 3d6 at level 6, 4 at 11th level, and 5 at 16th level. You can use this once per short rest. You’ll also be resistant to fire damage, which is pretty cool since it’s a common element in dungeons and your stage productions.

You’re also a Noble, giving you proficiency in History and Persuasion. A complete lack of empathy for the poor is not mechanically enforced, but appreciated nonetheless.

Stats

We use the standard array around here, but feel free to roll if you want to. I’d say keep multiclassing minimums in mind, but if you can’t this build isn’t going to work out for you anyway. Put your highest score in Charisma. It’s literally one of your skills, and you need it for most of everything you do. Next is Dexterity, you don’t wear armor, so your best bet for not dying is to not get hit. Follow that up with Strength. You don’t look it, but you can fly while carrying people, so you’re actually pretty buff. After that is Constitution; those dance sessions need stamina. Next is Intelligence, you don’t need no education to know the pointy end goes into the peasant. Finally, dump wisdom. You’re so easily distracted you’ve accidentally wandered into the wrong servant class twice now.

Class Levels

1. Bard 1: As a bard, you gain a solid smattering of spells using your charisma, as well as Bardic Inspiration. You can give inspiration dice to your allies as a bonus action, allowing them to add a roll of said dice to most d20 rolls within a minute of receiving it. You have a number of d6 equal to your charisma modifier which replenish on long rests.

At first level, you also receive proficiency in Simple Weapons (I’d suggest a spear for now), Dexterity and Charisma saves, and three skills of your choice. I suggest Performance for you idol career, Animal Handling for deerling corralling, and Athletics to help you make sense of fighting with a spear in midair.

For spells, grab Friends as a charm point, Vicious Mockery, Dissonant Whispers, and Thunderwave as lyric-based attacks, Animal Friendship to become the most demented disney princess, and finally Feather Fall, as a secret tool for later.

2. Bard 2: You become a Jack of All Trades, adding half your proficiency to checks that you aren’t already proficient in. I sound like a broken record at this point, but remember that includes intiative! You also gain a Song of Rest, adding 1d6 to healing done during a short rest if you use the short rest to perform. Speaking of healing, grab Healing Word as your spell for this turn so you can heal while you deal (damage).

3. Bard 3: As a graduate of the College of Glamour, you have a Mantle of Inspiration, letting you use an inspiration die to give temporary hit points to a number of creatures up to your charisma modifier, and those creatures can then react to move up to their movement without provoking attacks. The number of temporary hp increases as you level up, so keep track of that. You also can make an Enthralling Performance, where if you perform for at least one minute you can force creatures viewing the performance to make a wisdom save or be charmed by you, giving you raving reviews and hindering those who stand against you. You can make a performance enthralling once per short rest. 

Your Expertise doubles the effect of your proficiency on two skills (Performance and Persuasion) to make you a true idol. 

For your spell this turn, grab Shatter, creating a song so painful it can destroy inorganic creatures by-get this- shattering them.

4. Bard 4: Use your Ability Score Improvement to gain the Dragon Fear feat, converting your breath weapon into a sonic attack. This increases your strength by 1, and creatures within 30′ that can hear you need to make a dc 8 + proficiency + charisma modifier or be frightened of you for 1 minute, or until they make the save after taking damage.

You also get the Mending cantrip to repair your outfits, and Blindness/Deafness to recreate the typical effects of your singing.

5. Bard 5: Fifth level bards have their inspiration dice become d8s, and they become a Font of Inspiration, causing your inspiration dice to be refilled on short rests. You get the spell Bestow Curse, a flexible spell that can be one of the following options:

The target has disadvantage on checks and saves made with one ability.

The target has disadvantage on attacks against you.

The target must make a wisdom save at the start of each turn, wasting a turn on failure.

Your attacks and spells deal an extra 1d8 necrotic damage on the target.

You can also make your own curse, but it has to be at DM’s discretion. If you use a 5th level or higher spell slot, the curse doesn’t need concentration, which is frankly an effect more spells should have.

6. Bard 6: Editorializing aside, sixth level glamour bards gain a Mantle of Majesty, letting you cast Command for free as a bonus action for a full minute. Creatures that have been charmed by you automatically fail the save, but you need concentration to use this feature, and can only use it once per long rest. On the exact opposite side of the spectrum, you can use an action to perform a Countercharm, giving allies within 30′ advantage against being charmed or frightened. You also get the Fear spell, forcing creatures within a 30′ cone to make a wisdom save or become frightened of you for the duration. 

7. Fighter 1: When you become a fighter, you gain proficiency with martial weapons, letting you upgrade to a Halberd for extra damage and reach. You gain Great Weapon Fighting as your fighting style, letting you reroll damage rolls made for two-handed weapons on a 1 or 2. Versatile weapons also can use this, but they need to be wielded with both hands. You also gain a second wind, which you can use on a bonus action to heal 1d10+ your fighter level once per short rest.

8. Fighter 2: You now have an Action Surge, giving you an extra action in a turn once per short rest. You can only cast one spell per turn, but you can mix lanceplay and magic all you want.

9. Fighter 3: You become an Eldritch Knight, giving you another form of spellcasting that uses your intelligence. Most of the spells you gain as this class need to be abjuration or evocation, but I’m telling you what spells to get, so you don’t need to worry about that. Grab Control Flames and Blade Ward as your cantrips, Jump to act as your most minimal flight, Burning Hands, for damage, and Mage Armor so you can keep wearing your cute dresses in the middle of the battlefield. Technically you can wear any kind of armor now, but you have appearances to keep up, you know?

You also have a Weapon Bond. If you spend 1 hour bonding with a weapon, you can’t be disarmed unless you are incapacitated, and you can teleport the weapon to your hand as a bonus action, as long as that weapon is in the same plane of existence as you. You can have two weapons bonded at a time, but can only summon one at a time.

10. Fighter 4: Use your next Ability Score Improvement for the War Caster feat, giving you advantage on concentration saves, the ability to cast somatic spells while wielding a weapon, and you can cast spells as an opportunity attack. Also, grab Absorb Elements for your spell this level.

11. Fighter 5: You gain an Extra Attack, so you now can attack twice as an action, or four times per turn if you use your action surge.

12. Fighter 6: Use an Ability Score Improvement to improve your Strength for stronger combat.

13. Fighter 7: You gain War Magic; when you use your action to cast a cantrip, you can also make one weapon attack as a bonus action. You also get the spell Warding Wind, flapping your wings to produce a whirlwind in a 10′ radius around you. During the spell, you and creatures within the storm are deafened, small flames are extinguished, the area counts as difficult terrain for anyone other than you, ranged weapon attacks have disadvantage if they pass through the area, and vapors and gasses are dispersed.

14. Fighter 8: Use an Ability Score Improvement to improve your Charisma for stronger spells and harder saves. You also get the spell Levitate. It’s not quite flight, but you can move up to 20′ off the ground now. Getting closer!

15. Fighter 9: You become Indomitable, allowing you to reroll a failed save once per long rest.

16. Fighter 10: 10th level Eldritch Knights gain an Eldritch Strike. Now attacking a creature causes them to have disadvantage on the next saving throw they make against your spells next turn. You also get Green-Flame Blade as your cantrip, and Arcane Lock as your spell. This time, you’ll be the one locking them up.

17. Bard 7: Seventh level bards can learn a fourth level spell. Grab Confusion to turn any 10′ sphere into a mosh pit, where all creatures within must make a wisdom save or be affected, making their movements wild and random.

18. Bard 8: Use your last ASI to maximize your Charisma, and learn alignment check in a can, a.k.a. Heat Metal. 

19. Bard 9: Your song of rest die becomes a d8, and you learn Synaptic Static, blasting the minds of creatures in a 20′ radius with white noise. On a failed save, they take a ton of psychic damage, and their thoughts become muddled for a minute, reducing all attack rolls and ability checks they make, as well as concentration saves.

20. Bard 10: Cap off your levels with a boost to your inspiration dice, turning them into d10s, another round of expertise (doubling the proficiency of History and Animal Handling), and learning Magical Secrets, two spells from any class list of your choice, counting as bard spells when you cast them. Grab Fly to finally have the true power of flight, and Wall of Stone to recreate Castle Csejte on a whim.

Pros: Your spells have a lot of different kinds of saves, and you have a way of imposing disadvantage on those saves, meaning that you can incapacitate a wide variety of enemies by either finding a weak point in their ability scores or brute forcing your way in with eldritch strikes. You also have good mobility, with plenty of flight and flight-like options. You also have options available to save people from your AoE effects by selectively deafening them with spells like Blindness/Deafness and Warding Wind.

Cons: You don’t get high level spells, and you don’t even get that many high level spell slots either. Your 10 levels of bard also make you a bit more fragile than a melee class should be, so you’ll have to use your mobility to stay out of the thick of it. Also, a lot of your spells use concentration, meaning you have to choose between charming a few enemies or being able to fly away from the rest of them. Finally, most of your hard hitting spells come with caveats, which your dm may exploit. Undead that can’t be charmed, or even just creatures that can’t hear you. Regardless, dnd 5e is usually forgiving, so just keep a circle of body shields friends you can rely on, and things should turn out okay.

[quirkcounselor-asuka]

[Case number: OP-0166255-550 Examination recording number: N/A Physician/Psychiatrist: Asuka, Ayumu Recording date: Thursday, March 19th Recording time: 1:30 pm] @v-overhaul

[Morning hits and sunlight smacks hard against his blood-shot eyes, illuminating just how much of a headache Chisaki has from the drugs injected into him the night before. He wakes up uncomfortable, as usual. No memories of the previous evening immediately come to mind - things tend to blur together when one is forcibly given painkillers and walked between the same two rooms every day. Chisaki wishes the sunlight would fade, it’s painful where it hits his eyes and he’s already had enough of it. When they first brought him here he used to cherish the few rays that filtered in through the tiny, barred window, but now they’re just like everything else in this place. They hurt.

Chisaki wriggles into a sitting position with a groan. Everything is so much harder without his arms. The bastards seeing to him said there would be the chance of prosthetics but he's seen no such proof of that yet. He grits his teeth as he swings his legs off the bed. It feels awful to be so weak, so pitiful. He's not been at the mercy of another since her and he swore it would never happen again.

But then-

That exceptional boy-hero. Eri. The League of Villains and their demented leader-

Kai swallows. Panic creeps in so easily these days. Even the thought of Shi- of that man turn his stomach. He tries not to think of him as he sits and waits for whatever will be thrown at him today.]

[Eventually... the door starts to unlock. It's a deep and unsettling sound in the cell, loud and harsh clicks and a quieter whirling as the mechanisms that kept Chisaki locked inside were undone, one by one. After the very last padlock was done, there was a rush of movement as two guards suddenly burst into the room, faces shadowed and glaring.

They storm towards the bed, each grabbing hold of him, vicelike grips digging first around what's left of his arm, and then into his shoulder. Then they each take a turn, one striking him hard in the gut with a balled fist and then the other, smirking and laughing as they did. Then, once they were finally satisfied with this brief and cruel show of violence, they haul the man up like he's nothing, so roughly it's obvious they want him to know he's nothing, and they drag him out without a word or a care.

Outside the room, two more guards, both holding guns and sneering at the sight of him. With their prisoner in tow, they lead him down the quiet hall, occasionally exchanging words or tossing a casual insult. They bring him down a few floors, and then into a white room, a wide one with a door on either side and a massive pane of glass cutting the room in half. This is when Chisaki is tossed to the floor and the door is slammed shut behind him.

He's left alone for a moment.

Then, on the other side of the glass, the adjacent door is opened. A figure steps inside, smiling politely as they haul in a chair and sit down as close to the glass as possible, looking at him in curiosity before brightening up all the more.]

AYUMU: Hello Chisaki-san...! [It's brutal, but at least it's quick. There are some guards, those who proclaim they 'ain't none too fond of people who pick on little kids', who like to take their time in beating the shit out of him. Some of them spit on him. He's learned to stop fighting back, they only continue if he lashes out. Chisaki barely has time to bring air back into his winded body before he's tossed into the interview room like a sack of shit and drops heavily to the floor.

With no arms to catch his fall, his shoulder takes the brunt. Chisaki groans under his breath and rolls onto his back, squinting at the bright lights dotted along the ceiling. At least he's not in the lab today. They'll just be poking around in his head, rather than his flesh, and he's somewhat relieved.

When he hears someone call his name, he sits up and turns his head to look at them. Immediately, his face screws up with disgust. Right. This idiot.

He crosses his legs and pointedly stares at the floor, silent.] [Asuka only pouts at him when their greeting isn't returned. It rarely ever is, but they can't help but hope that one day...

Ah, well.]

AYUMU: How are you today, Chisaki-san? You're looking much better today! [they say, though they always seem to be saying that. In truth, Chisaki always wears some sort of damage on him, always decorated in bruises and healing cuts. It's a tragic sight, how clearly tortured the man is.] 

AYUMU: Are you ready to begin or would you like a moment?

[Chisaki glares at them. He stays silent.] [They pout. So difficult.]

AYUMU: ... Okay, we can take a moment. I understand this week has been really hard... It must be nice to get a moment of peace with a friend, right? So we can stay like this for a bit.

[They make a show of getting comfortable in their chair, displaying the actions in the same way one would mime for a young child. Then they flash another smile.]

AYUMU: I can get you a chair if you ask for one, too. I'm sure the floor is uncomfortable? [It's a feeble attempt to get on his good side. Chisaki doesn't have a fucking good side.]

CHISAKI: A 'friend'. [They smile sheepishly.] 

AYUMU: Yes? [Chisaki scoffs and wrinkles his nose. Pathetic. But, he might as well drag this conversation out for as long as possible, he's only got his cell and a potential beating to get back to.]

CHISAKI: Lucky me. The floor is fine.

[He rolls his bruised shoulder around in the socket, wincing at the pain that radiates across his back. That'll leave a lovely bruise, one more for the collection.]

CHISAKI: What do you want? [Their smile turns bright as he responds. They knew that little friendly comment would get to him in one way or another... If only it didn't take such a thing to get him talking.]

AYUMU: I just want to check up on you, Chisaki-san. Make sure you're okay. Know how you're feeling. Same as ever, you know? I worry. 

[They watch him carefully, expression turning more serious.] 

AYUMU: You're hurting...

CHISAKI: No shit. If you're that concerned then have a talk with your attack dogs.

[Chisaki narrows his eyes at Asuka. They're dedicated to playing good cop, huh? Presumably they want something from him. They're only ever nice to him when they want something. He feels a lump rise in his throat and the seeds of panic take root in the pit of his stomach.]

CHISAKI: I feel like shit. What do you expect? 

[Chisaki speaks very matter of factly. Bored. Like he's reading a shopping list.] 

CHISAKI: Are you going to kill me soon? Dragging this out is so dull. AYUMU: Kill you...?

[It's then that they slowly pull free a small pad of paper from their jacket, withdrawing a pen next. They open to a new page and jot down Chisaki's name and the date before they continue.]

AYUMU: Why ever would you think we would kill you...? [Chisaki huffs and lays back flat on the floor. He starts idly doing leg raises as he speaks. It's best to keep fit, if there's even the slightest chance of escape then he'll need to be in good enough health to run.]

CHISAKI: Because I'm a waste of resources, time and money. It seems more sensible to clean up a mistake. Bleach it out of existence.

[He turns his head to look at Asuka and narrows his eyes.]

CHISAKI: Unless you want something from me, that is. I presume that's the case, but I'm struggling to figure out what it is. [Asuka tries to keep a small laugh at bay, but it's hard to keep themselves from giggling just a little. It's almost adorable, the way he huffs to himself.]

AYUMU: Do you consider every human life that isn't dedicated to some cause or another a waste of resources? Because if so, that's very reductive...

[They jot that down as well. That clear disregard for others, the... quite plainly, fascinating way that his own wellbeing is just as easily shed as the people he encounters. The fact that he lacks so much empathy that he struggles to understand that someone could simply sympathize wth him, just for existing...]

AYUMU: Would it make you happier if I wanted something more? CHISAKI: 'Happier'? 

[Chisaki sneers and sets his leg back on the floor.] 

CHISAKI: The only things that you could do that would make me happy would be to let me go or take me out back and shoot me between the eyes.

[This existence is tantamount to torture for him. Purposeless, pathetic, he's undoubtedly the bottom of the food chain in this place. He clenches his stomach muscles and eases himself into a standing position so that he can move across the small space between them to the pane of glass. Little pustules have started to sprout along his cheekbone, a clear sign that he is getting stressed. And too, a clear sign that his quirk is still alive in him somewhere, with no way of bursting free.]

CHISAKI: But it wouldn't serve your purpose to do either of those, would it? So why don't you tell me the point of all these absurd tests? 

[Chisaki grits his teeth, thinking of the undignified way the doctors working on him have him stripped and cut open and bled like a pig.] 

CHISAKI: Why won't anyone tell me? AYUMU: What is there to tell?

[Is he perceptive or paranoid? Asuka takes that moment to try and decide as they watch him pace, looking sad. It's one of the sadder sights in the field, they think. Watching a prisoner drive themselves mad inside their cages, pacing like animals in a zoo. The hives are worse. If they keep up, they think, they might have to find a way to tranquilize him, and they don't want that. That would cause for another delay, and they are tired, so tired of how long this all was taking.]

AYUMU: Have you considered that we want to help you? That we want you to be better? That, maybe, all this unpleasantness is all going to be worth something in the future? [They huff.] You stew in so much negativity... you expect so much wrong, you can't see what's right in the world, that's the thing that's killing you, not us.

[They sigh again.] 

AYUMU: I try to talk to you. You push me away. How can you be expect to be told anything if you can't seem to handle a simple conversation? [The levied accusation makes Chisaki's eye twitch. He can handle whatever they through at him, he just thinks these pitiful conversations about feelings are utterly pointless. They don't care, they can't possibly care, they just want information from him. They want something from him but he can't figure it out and it's driving him crazy.

Utterly crazy.

He continues to stare at Asuka with wide, bloodshot eyes.]

CHISAKI: Fine. Then talk. AYUMU: ...

[They don't answer for a moment, forcing the room into silence for a few seconds.]

AYUMU: ... I've noticed you suffer from psychosomatic symptoms... [they start slowly.] When you're stressed, you break out. This stresses you out, does it not...? Why? [Chisaki doesn't stop staring at them. He turns his body to face them.]

CHISAKI: Because I don't like talking about something as pointless as feelings. I don't understand why it's necessary for my jailer to know if I got my delicate little feelings hurt. I don't trust you. I don't trust why the fuck you need to know those things about me.

[He's almost hissing at them by the time he pauses for breath.

The hives aren't from the stress alone. They're the product of his quirk, worsened by the fact that it cannot be unleashed. Chisaki can feel it boiling beneath his skin, dormant, but certainly still there.]

CHISAKI: They're worse because my quirk isn't functioning properly. AYUMU: ... I am not your jailer. I am your therapist. And because I am such, your feelings are important to me. I don't want you to suffer here, and if you are suffering I can help you get better treatment if and when you cooperate with me. I'm not asking for your trust...

[Though, they are. They really are. They ache for it, that coveted vulnerability that seems rarer and rarer with every moment and every session.]

AYUMU: I'm just asking for you to let me help you. That's all.

[Asuka nods slowly, then writes that down in their pad.] 

AYUMU: I had no idea, though... thank you. Can you please tell me more about your quirk and how that's affected you...?

[Therapist, huh? What a bunch of utter bullshit they're spouting. All that talk of care and trust and help, he doesn't believe it for a second. Chisaki has put his trust in Trojan horses once before and stamped its hooves on his life's work. But, he could play along for a little while, it might be to his benefit. He can tailor his responses, reveal nothing important, maybe feign a little emotion if that's what they want.

His face is pulled tight when he takes a seat on the floor again. He sighs.]

CHISAKI: It's called- it's called Overhaul. 

[That name seems so sour now.] 

CHISAKI: The activation point is- was my hands. I can still feel it there but-

[Chisaki frowns. He looks down at his stumps and clenches his jaw. They couldn't be happy with his research, his dreams, his syndicate, oh no. There was a final blow needed.]

CHISAKI: But there's no way for me to get it out anymore. Not properly. [Another slow nod as they write it down. Basic information. The heroes had found out his quirk on their own, and they had access to every bit of that information they'd gathered during that particular mission. But it's nice to hear it in his own words.]

AYUMU: It's always complicated when a quirk's use is so entwined with one's health... [they murmur, more for themselves than for him.] Do you feel your quirk often? What does this all feel like to you, having it... 

[They search for the words.] 

AYUMU: ...having it prohibited from you so...? [They're taking notes. What are they writing about him?

Chisaki's eye twitches again.]

CHISAKI: I feel it all the time. Having it linger inside me without being able to use it doesn't feel pleasant. If I could access it, I could fix myself. It's...frustrating.

[He furrows his brows and slumps over himself with another huff. This is pointless conversation.]

CHISAKI: Being stuck like this is frustrating. AYUMU: Mm...

[As he continues, they scrawl in their pen. Possibility of restricted quirk use following thorough rehabilitation?

They wonder if it's possible. The commission doesn't tell them everything, but they've had more than a few glimpses of their plans. They know what's been done and they know what's to come. They know that Chisaki has been deemed utterly unredeemable, more or less anyway, and that they plan to use him for their own purposes as much as they possibly could with little to no mercy attached. They know, with all the commission's studies of extraction and implantation, and with every quirk scientist in the country absolutely rushing to achieve a fraction of everything All for One has accomplished, that there is something that could be done here, not just to help hero society, but to help Chisaki too.

It's a little naive, they know. They are fully aware of every crime the villain before them has committed. It may not be possible, it may be too late to sow even a single seed of good within him. But they do want to try.

At the very least, they do want to inch them closer to where he's meant to be. ...

Lost in thought, they glance upwards towards him again.]

AYUMU: Do you feel broken, Chisaki-san?... [What a question. An intrusive, unwanted, ridiculous question. To think that someone like him could possibly be broken? What are they writing? What are they writing?! His expression turns strained. He hasn't been broken down and he hasn't lost, not yet. Sure, his research, his men, his quirk, his arms, all might have been taken from him but- but he'll get them back. He can fix this, definitely, definitely. It isn't over until he says it is. He's the boss, he's-

Somewhere in his noisy thoughts, he begins to tremble. The seeds of panic feel like they're sprouting, blossoming along the inside of his guts and up his throat, making it difficult to breathe. It is a sad state of affairs that he should find himself acting like a simpering child, but the feeling is not something he can stop - and believe him, he's tried to eradicate it.]

CHISAKI: N-no, I-

[Chisaki's breath quickens. He reaches up to grip his face but phantom hands cannot touch the living. His stomach pitches unpleasantly and he feels acid burn the back of his throat.]

CHISAKI: I- no, I don't feel- 

[He drags in a shaky breath] 

CHISAKI: I feel dirty. [They want to hold him. It almost hurts to have this glass seperating them, when he's already so harmless anyway, so that they could comfort him properly. No one deserves to be this lost, to drown in their thoughts in isolation like this.]

AYUMU: ...

[The next question is cruel, they know. Such a loaded phrase clearly carries a bloody history with it. But they can't keep from letting it fall from their mouths anyway.]

AYUMU: Why? [Asuka asks quietly.] Why would you feel dirty...? [Chisaki grits his teeth and looks up at them. His eyes sting. He wants to curl over himself as a form of protective comfort but his pride doesn't allow such a shameful action in front of this therapist.]

CHISAKI: Because there's filth everywhere. Always, can't- can't get to stay off. People don't see it, they don't see they're teeming with rot.

[The ever-present voice in the back of his mind tells him he's filthy, filthy and failing, disappointing, a worthless rotten little beast of a child-

With his chin jut out in a pointless attempt at defiance, Chisaki continues complaining. He ignores that he's started to cry.]

CHISAKI: I want a sh-shower! Or a bath. I want to get c-clean and no-one will let me!

[Such mundane, petty complaints. They're easier to address than the things stuffed deep inside, locked away, hidden.] AYUMU: ...

[Gently, Asuka eases down from their chair. They lower themselves to the floor, inching closer to the glass, placing a hand against it as they watch the tears drip down the broken man before them's cheeks. They take the sight in, wondering how rare it is, coveting it quietly like a precious jewel.]

AYUMU: Chisaki-san... I don't think you're filthy... [they murmur carefully, meaning every word.] I don't think you're rotten either. And I want to help you, okay? I want to help you...

[Their fingers move along the glass somewhat. If they could wipe his tears away, they would.]

AYUMU: I'll talk to someone for you. We can get you a shower, or a bath, whichever... okay? I'll help you feel clean again, okay? [Chisaki rubs his face against his shoulder to scrub some of the tears away. Silly signs of weakness, they fall unbidden, without his consent. He grinds his teeth, hissing through them as Asuka continues to talk.]

CHISAKI: Why the fuck would you do that? Why would someone like you want to help me?

[There's bitterness in his voice as he spits at the therapist. They don't care about his wants or comfort, why would they?]

CHISAKI: Th-this pathetic attempt to get on my good side...

[Chisaki laughs mirthlessly] 

CHISAKI: I don't have a good side, I fucking hate you. All of you.

[He's getting more and more stressed, and the hives on his face spread. Without his realisation, the bandages covering his stumps start to shred.] [So focused on his expression and the way his hives grow to cover it, they almost don't notice at first.]

AYUMU: I don't care that you hate me, Chisaki... [they assure relentlessly, starting to speak over all the hateful words that leave him.] And if you wanted to hurt me, I wouldn't care either. Even if you tried to kill me, I'd still be trying to help you. Because I want to care for you! I want to do more for you than any of the people who turned you into this ever did. You don't have to be scared. It's okay... [They are insufferable. Their words are insufferable. Chisaki grinds his teeth so loudly he can hear the sound grating around his skull.]

CHISAKI: Scared...[How dare they? How fucking dare they?!] I'm not scared, you little idiot.

[Chisaki gets to his feet and skulks closer to them, eyes wide with anger.]

CHISAKI: Why do you people insist on pushing your care onto people who don't want it? I don't want your pathetic attempts at help. [If it weren't for the protective glass and the convenience of their quirk, they would have been alarmed by the way he suddenly surges forward. As it is, they only look at him with blinking eyes as Chisaki approaches.]

AYUMU: B-- because I--

[They stop short suddenly. Because, now that Chisaki's closer, they can see it. His arms are in view now and right before their eyes, the bandages are actually, literally tearing themselves to pieces. Panic and a violent sense of wonder suddenly seizes them.

Is his quirk evolving-!?

Oh, it's fascinating! It's perfect. This- this makes Overhaul viable! This means progress can happen!!

This also means Asuka could be in more danger than they'd already suspected.

Better handle this fast. Hoping the shock hasn't entered their expression, Asuka smiles to Chisaki in reassurance, holding up a hand in a calm show of surrender as the other slips into her pocket, finding a small remote with a button they press to alert the guards with. This session will have to end sooner than they'd hoped.]

AYUMU: Okay... Chisaki-san, it's okay. If you want to be done, we're done here, I won't say anything anymore. Please calm down... [Chisaki heaves in a breath as increasingly violent tremors run along the length of his spine. He's utterly furious and this stupid fucking bitch isn't listening to him. 'Calm down', like it's that easy. 'It's okay', like it's that goddamn simple to feel fine and dandy.

His eyes bulge in their sockets. Pops always said he had an awful temper.]

CHISAKI: We're not fucking done. I want to know why I'm being kept here. I want to know what the fuck all those experiments are for! I'm not your guinea pig!

[The irony is unfortunately lost on him.]

CHISAKI: Tell me!

[Chisaki is utterly seething as he approaches the glass, so distracted he barely notices the state of his bandages. Asuka remains calm, still muttering platitudes and 'calm down'. His jaw clenches tight and his face turns a violent shade of red as his anger boils over.]

CHISAKI: I will not calm down!

[He thwacks a stump against the glass without much though, hissing through his teeth at the nervous therapist on the other side. Without warning, the glass cracks. Spidery fractals splinter outward from the point where he rested the stump of his arm, not breaking it completely, but enough to cause a few pieces of glass to fall at his feet. Chisaki stumbles backwards, making a noise of alarm.]

CHISAKI: W-w- [The damage itself is small. But it's terrifying. Asuka scrambles further away from the glass, eyes wide, thoughts spinning, theorizing, trying to access the situation as quickly as they could. They watch Chisaki staggering back, realizing what they've done, and in an instant they're spinning around, facing one of the cameras staring their way.]

ASUKA: Security!!

[In an instant, the alarms blare with red light. The door bursts open. Guards pour into the room, lunging at Chisaki, bringing him down hard. Needles appear to jab deep into his skin, syringes full of suppressants, of tranquilizers, anything and everything to keep him down.

On the other side, a similar bustle appears as Asuka's own door is thrown open, security rushing to their aid. At their side in a moment, a guard looks at Asuka with a stern sympathy as they help them to their feet and immediately starts to guide them out.

As they do, Asuka spares one last, longing little glance over at Chisaki as he's gathered up into the guards' vice grips again. They hope he'll be okay. They hope the men aren't too harsh on him. And they hope, naively, that one day, maybe, Chisaki will learn to forgive them all for what's bound to happen next.]

[garden-uprooted]

“One body, two souls” (( god I can't imagine there being any personality that'd be worse to fuse Spinel's with than Dom's and vice versa and I MUST hear what your take on what that Hell Fusion would be like is omfggggggggggg ))

Send “One body, two souls” to see what I think the fusion of our muses would be like // Still Accepting!

Gemstone Name & Reasoning: Mookaite (yes I KNOW there’s no reason the gem would change since Spinel’s the only Gem in the fusion, but finding the gemstone for the fusion is half the fun, shut up-) 

Okay so I KNOW the name sounds weird, but I NEEDED a specific feel for the fusion to fully WORK, y’know? Their fusion would lack ANY sort of Spinel’s typical restraint; a completely wild free spirit. I needed a gemstone that encouraged the release of inhibitions and made you set your sights on things that you’d previously held yourself back from. 

“Embrace your wanderlust and let Mookaite be your spiritual compass, pointing you in the direction of adventure. Awaken your true potential with the energy of this stone, and pursue the passions you’ve put on hold. The willpower that mookaite stimulates in your solar plexus and root chakras will rouse in you a desire to explore new activities. Its exciting, yet comforting energy makes for a great travel companion for those on a solo journey.”

I would go into more detail, but in order to properly do that, I’d need to jump onto the next section uwu… 

Personality:

OKAY. I HAVE SO MANY FUCKIN’ THOUGHTS ON THIS MESS WHOM I ALREADY IMMEDIATELY ADORE 

Okay okay okay, SO. Obviously they’re a pretty toxic fusion. This should go without saying- two chaotic energies in ONE body?? 

… But it ISN’T because Spinel and Lord D DON’T get along, oh no..

It’s BECAUSE they get along so SWIMMINGLY. 

Spinel is naturally impulsive and reckless, sometimes, due to Trauma TM, and also just because she’s Like That, but she HAS self-restraint. She can tell (most of the time) when she’s gone too far with something. And Lord D, while not nearly AS hyperactive as Spinel (but ABSOLUTELY is also an ADHD mess), has undoubted patience and self-control, as well. 

They’re “bouncing off of the walls” off the shits chaos lesbians, but they both know how to reign themselves in. 

While fused as Mookaite, however?

That ALL goes out of the window.

They FEED into each other’s boundless thoughts- they ENCOURAGE each other’s deepest darkest carnal desires ALL in the name of 

FUN. 

Spinel is a people-pleaser, above all. She’s LITERALLY an entertainer, and she ADORES her job/”life purpose”. She won’t hesitate to change herself or mold herself into what others want/expect her to be so long as she looks up to and wants to impress said person. 

And DING DING DING, Lord Dominator fits that criteria. Spinel gladly falls into the more submissive role in their fusion- letting Lord D pull the strings from the back (AKA, the Front). 

A little confusing? Don’t worry, I’ll clear that up a little later down the line. 

For now, let’s just say that Mookaite is THE definition of discord and madness. She practically BATHES in the tears of others- RELISHES in pained cries as she tramples over (or SLASHES through) people. Jokes? Japes? Cruel pranks? Snarky remarks? Low blows to people’s self-esteem via honing in on their weaknesses and using it against them? 

You want it, Mookaite’s got it all! There are absolutely NO remnants of Spinel’s kindness or compassion to be had. It’s all overshadowed by the desire to be ACTIVE and to MOVE and to spend all of her child-like ENERGY (that has practically no limit to it, so long as they’re fused together). 

She’s INTELLIGENT, though. SCARILY so. A force that you DO. NOT. WANT. To reckon with. If she WANTS something, she GETS it. There is no escape, so don’t even bother hiding or running. 

A MASTER manipulator and strategist, as well as wild party animal and unrestrained force of destruction. She’ll gladly restrain herself long enough to string people along- only for the SWEET sweet eventual payment of said person’s bitter tears as they either have their heart, or their spine broken. 

…However… I WILL say that, SHOULD Mookaite ever encounter someone that Spinel KNOWS (and thus most likely automatically CARES about), and the Dom part of them goes “OH, someone to hurt/”prank”!!!”, Spinel WILL go “Wait wait wait, but- but they’re my FRIEND, I’m not gonna-??” 

It’s SO MUCH more DIFFICULT for Spinel to vent our her feelings/frustrations on someone who ISN’T a complete stranger to her. All of that empathy and WANT to be somebody’s very best friend never VANISHED. It just got restrained. 

The SECOND Mookaite tries to/decides to ATTACK/HURT, say, someone like STEVEN, Spinel takes full control and unfuses at once.

Physical Appearance:

Oh, they want to make sure they can at LEAST tower over most humans they encounter. I’d IMAGINE Dom is around 5′7″, and Spinel just barely naturally reaches 5′3″ in her current form (I headcanon she WAS 5′0″ or so before Pink left her- height is intimidating), and so Mookaite is looking to be around 6′5″ to possibly JUST shy of being 7′0″. Of course, they can stretch, still, so their natural standing height isn’t all THAT important. 

Remember how I described their personality earlier, though? What with Spinel playing the more subservient role while Dom takes the reigns? Yeah, that’s coming back into play here, baybey!!! 

While Mookaite takes on Dom’s slender and athletic physique and generally uses her body as a base, their face resembles Spinel’s the most. At first glance, SPINEL would seem like the dominant in the fusion, actually. 

However, in spite of that, Spinel’s loud and proud presence in Mookaite is only representative of her and Dom’s RELATIONSHIP. Dominator is Spinel’s enabler- turning her from a loose canon to one fully loaded and ready to fire; the consequences be damned. 

So, in actuality, Dom is still, naturally, the dominant. Spinel is just her willing (?) puppet to enact out their obscene horrors. 

Their hair is styled almost exactly like Dom’s- except it’s colored like Spinel’s, and it’s an absolute jagged frizzy mess. It kinda looks like they took a pair of scissors and tried to style it themselves, to be honest; but it’s stylish in the “manic pixie dream girl” way, if you know what I mean? 

Dom’s white hair shows in white streaks throughout. Mooktaite’s entire color scheme is themed around blacks, dark magentas/reds, deep browns, oranges, and yellows, to boot; drawing inspiration from the gemstone, Mookaite, itself, and Dominator’s attire. 

They keep Spinel’s poofy bottom, but it acts more like short shorts that flow seamlessly into Dom’s split dress; which is masterfully torn and tattered just at the knees. They also keep Spinel’s gloves- they just gain a more ragged look, as well, and are styled after Dom’s elbow-length ones. 

Say bye bye to Spinel’s fuckign clown shoes, tho, they’re Dom’s sneakers, now. RIP clown shoes. Ye shall be missed. 

Mookaite’s eyes are Forever Swirly And Crazed. It makes her look like she downed ten espresso shots in one sitting and went back to the coffee shop for more. Her mascara is also There, but it’s X2. 

It’s ALWAYS running down her face- yes, actually running down her chin and dripping right off. An endless supply of messy, drippy mascara that LOOKS like they’ve been crying in it for five hours, but 

HAHA!

Mookaite doesn’t CRY! 

On the outside. 

Oh, also, did I mention the fact that they have extra limbs? Typically it’s only just two arms and two legs, but as an extra “HEY, WATCH THIS, AND ALSO FUCK YOU!!!” they can sprout another pair of arms from their back at will. And yes it makes sickening cracking sounds, because Dominator has bones that CAN make those sounds. 

Does it ACTUALLY hurt her to do, though? 

Eh. Your choice. 

Oh oh oh and NATURALLY they have sharp, shark-like teeth. Why??? Would they NOT???? Bruh they’re fuckin off the wall, they’re demonic as all hell and so basically I Love Them 

…. Oh, and uh…. Sarah Stiles’ Spinel’s New Yorker accent that tends to be more of an undertone, than anything..? 

It’s fully pronounced in Mookaite. High pitched, squeaky, psychotic Betty Boop hours, folks.

Combat: 

My fingers hurt but you know how Spinel has her scythe, Suzie? And Dom can control magma and ice/frost? AND you know how they BOTH can stretch and extend their limbs/Dom is super flexible? 

Now, I’m not saying crazy fast contortionist that can wreck you from like twenty feet away, but- okay I totally am.

Something tells me Mookaite would be MUCH more a fan of hands-on fighting, though. Sure she COULD either suit up or use Dom’s powers and Spinel’s elasticity to one-hit KO their opponent, but where’s the FUN in THAT? 

And thus where Suzie comes in. 

Mookaite is a brick POWERHOUSE- chaotic demented laughter all the while while she SLASHES through her enemies; twirling through the air and jumping on top of/off of their shoulders or heads. She’s a bratty gamer girl about it the whole time, too; mocking her adversaries for being “too slow” or “not putting up enough of a fight/challenge”. 

She’s ALWAYS looking for fights and worthy opponents- swinging Suzie around like the huge scythe is a baton and not a VERY deadly weapon. She treats her like a prized cane half the time; preferring to have her fully activated and ready to go at the drop of a hat. 

[vrgamertc]

John Prine was an Army veteran walking a U.S. Postal Service beat in Chicago and writing songs on the side when Kris Kristofferson heard him and helped spread the word about Prine’s gifts. Pretty soon, he resigned as a letter carrier; his supervisor snickered, “You’ll be back.” Nearly 50 years later, this January, he was given a lifetime achievement Grammy for his contributions to songwriting. The singing mailman almost always had the last laugh.

Prine, who died on Tuesday from complications of the coronavirus, was legitimately unique. He took familiar blues themes — my baby left me — but filled them with whimsy and kindness. He liked a saucy lyric, and wrote movingly, in character, of the quiet lives and loneliness of humdrum people. He seemed like a Zen sage and offered an uncynical live-and-let-live morality in his songs, writing in a colloquial voice that revealed a love of the way Americans speak. He showed how much humor you could put in a song and still be taken seriously. He had less in common with any other songwriter than he did with Mark Twain.

He grew up in Maywood, a western suburb of Chicago, and was reared by working-class parents from Kentucky, where he often spent summers with relatives and fell in love with country music and bluegrass. By 13, he was performing in rural jamborees. When he debuted in 1971, in his mid-20s, he sounded like an old man already, so years later, when he got old and went through two cancer treatments, he still sounded like himself. From his first to his last, he wrote songs that were tender, hilarious, and wise, without grandstanding any of these traits. Here are 15 of the best.

‘Angel From Montgomery’ (1971)

“Angel From Montgomery,” his best-known song, begins with a little declarative startle: “I am an old woman, named after my mother.” It’s an incisive and terrifying look at the dissatisfactions of a bad marriage and a woman’s sense of being economically trapped in her misery. Bonnie Raitt recorded it three years later and uncovered some of the song’s dormant melodies.

‘Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore’ (1971)

Prine’s self-titled 1971 debut album is a playlist all its own; it has more great songs than a lot of respected songwriters have in their entire careers. The moral stance of this sprightly folk-rock ditty is a response to what he saw as sham patriotism during the Nixon years, and it remains relevant: “Jesus don’t like killing/No matter what the reason’s for.” Prine, a former altar boy, stopped playing it live for a number of years, but when George W. Bush became president, Prine said, “I thought I’d bring it back.”

‘Hello in There’ (1971)

Some fans and critics are put off by this song and its slightly lesser companion, “Sam Stone,” which they see as performative displays of sensitivity toward the vulnerable, or what we now call virtue signaling. Yet somehow, we don’t ever criticize singers for signaling vices and meanness. Prine sings in the voice of an old married man with a dead son, who spends his days in silence and loneliness, and who at the end of the song, asks people to be kind to the elderly.

‘The Frying Pan’ (1972)

For his second album, “Diamonds in the Rough,” Prine assembled a small, mostly acoustic band and pursued a front-porch, Appalachian simplicity. Like a lot of his songs, this one takes a lighthearted view of domestic complications: A man comes home and discovers his wife has run off with a traveling salesman. He cries miserably, recounts what he loved about her (“I miss the way she used to yell at me/The way she used to cuss and moan”), and full of pride, comes to the wrong conclusion: Never leave your wife at home.

‘Please Don’t Bury Me’ (1973)

For people who love Prine’s music, there’s some small solace in listening to his songs about death, which have the same sense of mischief and acceptance as the ones about broken marriages. (Try “Mexican Home” or “He Was in Heaven Before He Died.”) The narrator is dead, and as angels explain to him how it happened, they also recap his last wish: to not be dropped into a cold grave, but to be put to practical use, as an organ donor: “I’d druther have ’em cut me up/And pass me all around.” A kind of recycling anthem from his terrific third album, “Sweet Revenge.”

‘You Never Can Tell’ (1975)

Almost like an apology, Prine concludes “Sweet Revenge,” a grieving, downhearted album, with an exuberant Chuck Berry cover, one great writer nodding to another. The Memphis R&B guitarist Steve Cropper produced the record and put together a crack horn section, which pushes ahead of some barrelhouse piano. Prine wasn’t a rocker, but he could rock.

‘That’s the Way the World Goes Round’ (1978)

Prine seemed to have an unlimited ability to expand and vary songwriting structures and perspectives. This track, which has been covered by Miranda Lambert and Norah Jones, has two verses: In the first, the narrator describes a drunk who “beats his old lady with a rubber hose,” and in the second, the narrator gets stuck in a frozen bathtub (it’s hard to explain) and imagines the worst until a sudden sun thaws him out. Both verses illustrate the refrain: that’s the way the world goes round. Even when circumstances are bad in Prine songs, he favors optimism and acceptance.

‘Iron Ore Betty’ (1978)

A lot of Prine songs celebrate physical pleasure: food, dancing and sex, which he gallantly prefers to call “making love.” The working-class singer in this soulful, up-tempo shuffle feels unreserved delight at having a girlfriend (“We receive our mail in the same mailbox/And we watch the same TV”), and wants us to know he and Betty aren’t just friends (“I got rug burns on my elbows/She’s got ’em on her knees”). OK guy, we get it.

‘Just Wanna Be With You’ (1980)

A stomping number from “Storm Windows” in the style of Chuck Berry, with the Rolling Stones sideman Wayne Perkins on guitar. Prine’s lyrics don’t distinguish between reality and absurdity — they don’t clash, they mix — and here’s one more way to say you’re happy and in love: “I don’t even care what kind of gum I chew.” And another: “Lonely won’t be lonesome when we get through.”

‘Let’s Talk Dirty in Hawaiian’ (1986)

Prine had a sideline in novelty songs, which give full voice to his comic absurdity, throwaways that are worth saving, including the 1973 semi-hit “Dear Abby,” and this now-problematic number from “German Afternoons” inspired by a paperback book called “Instant Hawaiian.” Prine and his co-writer Fred Koller began making up Hawaiian-sounding nonsense words full of sexual innuendo, and Lloyd Green added airport-Tiki-bar bar steel guitar for maximum faux authenticity. You can say Prine’s loving disposition makes the song OK, and you can also say it doesn’t.

‘All the Best’ (1991)

After five years away, Prine returned with “The Missing Years,” a Grammy-winning album produced by Howie Epstein, Tom Petty’s bass player. The singer in this gentle, masterly miniature claims to want good things for an ex-lover, but feelings aren’t simple: “I wish you don’t do like I do/And never fall in love with someone like you” twists the knife. Now recording for his own label, Oh Boy Records, Prine was about to hit a hot streak.

‘Lake Marie’ (1995)

Bob Dylan, who was a huge fan, called the haunted, mysterious “Lake Marie” his favorite Prine song, and who are we to disagree with Dylan on the topic of songwriting? Even though Epstein’s booming production draws too much attention to itself, “Lost Dogs + Mixed Blessings” is full of winners: the simple, loving ballad “Day is Done,” the rapid-fire doggerel of “We Are the Lonely” and the calm, ornery “Quit Hollerin’ at Me,” where Prine tells his wife that the neighbors “already think my name is ‘Where in the hell you been?’”

‘In Spite of Ourselves’ (1999)

Prine was diagnosed with cancer, and doctors removed a tumor from the right side of his neck, which took away his already-modest ability to project his voice. But incredibly, his stolid singing was now perfect for harmonies, and he cut a duets album called “In Spite of Ourselves” with female country and Americana singers. On its one original song, Prine and Iris DeMent trade backhanded compliments (“She thinks all my jokes are corny/Convict movies make her horny”) that read like a divorce complaint, but turn out to be only pillow talk.

‘Some Humans Ain’t Human’ (2005)

At seven minutes and three seconds, this track from “Fair and Square” is the longest song on any of his studio albums. A cloud of slide guitar keeps this soft waltz afloat and allows Prine to express his disapproval of, if not contempt for, so-called humans who lack empathy for others. There’s a couplet that is clearly about George W. Bush, and Prine noticed that some audience members were surprised by it. “I never tried to rub it in anybody’s face, but I thought it was pretty clear that I wasn’t a closet Republican,” he told the Houston Press.

‘When I Get to Heaven’ (2018)

In 2013, doctors removed the cancerous part of Prine’s left lung, which sidelined and weakened him. It’s hard now to listen to his final album, “The Tree of Forgiveness,” which was nominated for three Grammys, and not think that Prine heard the clock ticking louder. There’s so much tenderness in “Knockin’ on Your Screen Door,” about a man whose family left him with only an 8-track tape of George Jones, and in the elegiac, reassuring parental entreaty “Summer’s End.” In the last song, “When I Get to Heaven,” Prine describes his ideal afterlife: a rock band, a cushy hotel, a girl, a cocktail (“vodka and ginger ale”) and “a cigarette that’s nine miles long.” He removes his watch, and asks, “What are you gonna do with time after you’ve bought the farm?”

[independentartistbuzz]

7 From The Women is a segment here on Independent Artist Buzz where we ask some of the industries finest seven questions. During this time of accusations and the lack thereof, we think it’s important to give women a voice. We chose to ask seven questions to honor the seven Wiccan clans.

Kristen Rae Bowden is a beautiful turmoil of tenderness and willfulness. It’s a paradoxical sentiment also evident in her artistic sensibilities. In her upcoming debut, Language and Mirrors, she fluidly, and authentically, inhabits earthy Americana and majestic orchestral rock.

What have you been working to promote lately?

In November 2018 I released my first album, entitled “Language and Mirrors.” On March 15 2019 I will release my first music video from the album. The video is for my song “It Isn’t About You.”

I wrote “It Isn’t About You” while living in a screened-in-shack with no power on the Big Island of Hawaii. I was 22, fresh from college, excited by the idea of living “off the grid”, and very much in love with a young man whose family owned land in Hawaii. After we moved there, however, our relationship quickly deteriorated, practically turning to dust before my eyes. I felt powerless to save it, or leave.

I found myself on a metaphorical island, as well as a real one, and my feeling of isolation stemmed from my obsession with the unhealthy relationship. It became difficult for me to imagine myself outside of it; I no longer felt whole on my own.

Even without electricity, I remained a night owl. I stayed up alone in the tiny dark house on the edge of the jungle, drinking wine, and writing poetry by candlelight. This is how I wrote “It Isn’t About You”: as part of a long, freeform poem. (It is one of my only songs where I wrote the lyrics first.)

Later, I put the poem to music, after I finally got the courage to leave the relationship, and I’d steadied my mind. The song is about making that return to yourself and your own joys, strengths, and needs. It is also about taking responsibility for your own choices, so that you never feel (unnecessarily) like a victim, and you can move on.

The music video for “It Isn’t About You” will premiere on Facebook Premiere on Friday March 15 at 1:00 pm.

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

I think, after all these years, my favorite track written by a woman is still Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You”. The melody starts out conversational, understated, and then it soars! The simplicity of the instrumentation creates such an intimate experience, you feel like she’s in your living room, singing right in your ear. You hear every word, which is perfect because her lyrics go straight to the heart.

The beauty of the poem alone overwhelms me. Joni has a way of writing lyrics that are very specific to her own experience, and full of imagery, but when I listen to them, I feel like they are about me too. Much like an abstract painting where different people will see different things, Joni’s artful words allow you to color them with your own experience. This makes me feel truly known, and comforted somehow as a human being, because I know I’m not alone.

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music/in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

When I decided I wanted to become a career musician, I didn’t think at all about my gender. I just knew I wanted to make music; that’s all I thought about.

Now, I believe that as a woman in the music industry, I have the opportunity to showcase a more feminine (as in the divine) incarnation of strength. As a culture I think we view strength in a very masculine way; it often means hardness, stoicism. I believe we tend to ignore the strength that it takes to be vulnerable... the strength that lies in open-heartedness and flexibility. After all, a branch that cannot bend is more likely to break. In my songs, I find myself wanting to express this: how brave one must be to remain open-hearted. I think it is something I have to offer that has to do with my womanhood and femininity.

When I write I honestly don’t feel a responsibility to create certain messages and themes in my music. I write according to my feelings, so those end up being the messages and themes. However, when I write a song about a certain moment in my life, I definitely listen critically to the song and ask myself what kind of message it is going to send into the world.

Once I wrote a song about a previous boyfriend cheating on me with a girl who I really thought was my friend. They both lied to me about it for several weeks. It was overwhelmingly hurtful. Some men say they have a “bro’s code” to not let women come between them. So, I wrote this song about the lack of a “girls code”, and basically sang about how I knew my boyfriend at the time was going to lie to me, that was obvious. But I never expected my woman friend to be a part of it, sneaking around and lying to me also.

Later I realized I couldn’t release the song, because of the message one might take from it. My lyrics ended up sounding too much like a woman who blames the other woman when her significant other lies to her, instead of holding him responsible, and also taking responsibility for the choice she has made to be with him. What that particular “friend” did to me was unkind, but I don’t ever want to sound like a woman who puts other women down as a group. I didn’t want to risk being interpreted in that way.

I hope to be a voice of catharsis, empowerment, and empathy.

What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

My most personal song is “My Father’s Daughter”. My Dad was an extremely charismatic, artistic, and captivating man. He was also quite the womanizer. He passed away when I was 18, and I still miss him every single day.

I think as a girl, when you grow up with a Dad who is your absolute favorite person, but over time you learn about some of his negative proclivities, you’ll have some kind of emotional reaction. And the reaction will be based (at least in part) on how you are his daughter. If you were his son, you might respond quite differently.

“My Father’s Daughter” is really about me getting into a relationship with a man who had also lost his artistic (and womanizing) father. He had a daddy-backstory similar to mine, but he had responded in a completely different way. We could understand each other better in some ways due to the similarities in our respective Dads’ personalities, but in other ways we really had no hope of ever understanding each other.

The song also has to do with the fact that sometimes, there is no stronger bond than shared grief.

I think this is the most personal thing I’ve written as it relates to being female, because it’s specific to what we would call “Daddy issues”. Anyone can have Daddy issues, regardless of their gender, but being female definitely effects how these complicated feelings play out in one’s life. This is true for me, at least.

What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

So many! I’ve already mentioned Joni Mitchell. I just finished reading “Just Kids” and Patti Smith is a poetic hero. Others include Joan Jett, Nina Simone, Bonnie Raitt, Aretha Franklin, Patsy Cline, Erykah Badu, Zap Mama, Emmylou Harris, Iris DeMent, Janis Joplin, Grace Slick, Stevie Nicks, Carole King, Amy Winehouse, Bjork, Lady Gaga, Billie Holiday, Ani DiFranco, and Tracy Chapman.

Who was the first female artist you saw that made you want to create music / be in the business?

When I was 19, my sister and I went to see Ani DiFranco. I remember loving how the audience was overwhelmingly female, right as I walked in. I noted to myself how rare it is to be in the company of mostly women, at least for me. Ani sang her songs and I think everyone in the theater was affected, you could just feel it in the air. I laughed and I cried. I marveled at how she connected with each member of the audience personally ; she made each of us feel like we’d met her. Each of her songs consistently blew me away with her confessional storytelling. She stirred my emotions and completely inspired me.

The next night I went into a practice room at my college, played the piano, and wrote my first real song. I didn’t mean to write it ; it surprised me. It was about my Dad dying, which had happened about a year before. I scribbled it on a cocktail napkin that I’ve saved ever since.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I definitely consider myself a feminist. Women deserve equal rights and bodily autonomy, period. I grew up very privileged, in a community/culture that told me I could be anything I wanted, so I have to admit I was rather shocked to find out that some people still think women aren’t supposed to do certain jobs or have certain roles in life. I also grew up in a very homogenous community. For a long time I was very ignorant when it comes to the idea of intersectional feminism, and I still have a lot to learn about how feminism can exclude the experiences and points of view of women of color and LGBTQ women. It is important to me to be an ally to all women, especially those in minority communities, as they are the ones who are most effected by sexism and discrimination. Learning how to be a good ally is an ongoing process, and I consider it my responsibility to educate myself about issues outside of my personal experience. All in all, I am a feminist because women are still so marginalized, all over the world. Women’s rights are human rights, and as long as things remain unbalanced, this deserves our constant attention.

Connect with Kristen online:

https://www.kristenraebowden.com

https://www.facebook.com/KristenRaeBowden/

https://www.instagram.com/kristenraebowden/

https://twitter.com/bowdenrae?lang=en

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PPhdmifjwxW8fkF_CxIoQ

https://kristenraebowden.tumblr.com/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/2mi6KqRPH72KiS6r1A9ePI?nd=1

https://soundcloud.com/kristenraebowden

https://kristenraebowden.bandcamp.com/releases

[khalilhumam]

Beyond Trump: Six things that could signal a return to political normalcy

New Post has been published on http://khalilhumam.com/beyond-trump-six-things-that-could-signal-a-return-to-political-normalcy/

Beyond Trump: Six things that could signal a return to political normalcy

By Elaine Kamarck If you were to apply one word to the vice-presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Mike Pence, it would be “normal.” While the debate did nothing to stop Biden’s momentum, it did harken back to an earlier era and made me wonder: Can we ever go back to normal? Or has Trump permanently changed our political life? First, let’s try and remember what normal looked like. Start with the debate. Neither candidate interrupted each other constantly and for extended periods of time as President Trump did in his first debate. Pence was somewhat guiltier, perhaps trying to please his boss. Each candidate had facts and figures at their fingertips and attacks on the other’s presidential candidate drawn from each one’s record. Or if they couldn’t do that, they simply ignored the question and talked about something else. Pence had to dance around the health care questions; Harris around whether she was in favor of increasing the number of Supreme Court justices. They each articulated the core tenets of their political parties. Harris kept returning to the importance of protecting people with pre-existing medical conditions with a powerful recitation that ended with “they’re coming for you.” Pence fell back on one of the oldest and most road-tested of all Republican themes: “They [Democrats] are going to raise your taxes.” The debate itself was normal and therefore somewhat boring, which is what politics used to be for most people. If we ever get beyond Trump what else would “normal” look like?

For starters, presidential candidates would be forced to release their tax returns, as almost all of them except for Trump have done voluntarily. So far about 20 states have considered making release of tax returns a condition of getting on the ballot. If one state passes this legislation the returns will be there for all to see and court cases are moving along in the same direction.

Most presidents, Democratic or Republican, would probably not be enamored with dictators like Vladimir Putin of Russia or Kim Jung-un of North Korea. Nor would they hide their discussions from the national security establishment as Trump has done, feeding worries that someone like Putin has “something” (perhaps financial) on the president. Congresswoman Liz Cheney (R-WY) took Trump to task over his reluctance to call out Russia about reports that they paid bounties for killing American soldiers. Strongly supportive Republican senators such as Lindsay Graham (SC) have broken with Trump on Russia, Saudi Arabia, and Syria. Future presidents, including Republicans, would likely refrain from insulting our allies, instead using back channels and standard diplomacy to try and coax them into doing what we want. A normal president would not decide to pull American troops out of places around the world without consulting military commanders. They also would not continually praise the military in public and insult them in private.

When trying to undo a popular piece of legislation from his predecessor, a normal president would actually develop new legislation. Trump has spent his entire first term trying and then failing to undo Obamacare. When it was pointed out just how popular Obamacare is, especially the prohibitions that prohibit discrimination on the basis of pre-existing conditions, he put together a lengthy executive order that is mostly a defense of his health care record. (This issue is so important politically that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi attributed the 2018 Democratic takeover of the House to “Mr. Pre-existing Condition.”) But the section on pre-existing conditions in Trump’s executive order is thin gruel; there is no “how” in it. It is merely aspirational, lacking a plan for actually making it happen. Here’s the critical section.

Sec. 2. Policy. It has been and will continue to be the policy of the United States to give Americans seeking healthcare more choice, lower costs, and better care and to ensure that Americans with pre-existing conditions can obtain the insurance of their choice at affordable rates.

A normal president would not trash long-standing democratic norms, as Trump did when he refused to say that he’d accept the results of the election. Pence was forced to follow his leader with the following change-the-subject response: “When you talk about accepting the outcome of the election, I must tell you, Senator, your party has spent the last three and a half years trying to overturn the results of the last election. It’s amazing.”

A normal president would try empathy once in a while. Trump doesn’t do empathy—especially not for the over 200,000 people who have died of COVID-19. And beyond Trump it will be hard to find a president who never develops a pandemic plan. There have been many Republican Governors who ignored Trump’s lead on how to deal with COVID-19. In addition to Governor Charlie Baker of Massachusetts and Governor Larry Hogan of Maryland, both very blue states, Governor Mike DeWine of Ohio adopted a very careful COVID strategy and did not suffer politically.

Lying continuously about issues big and small would not be part of a normal presidency. In July the Washington Post reported that Trump had made more than 20,000 false or misleading statements to date. Following the presidential debate, Daniel Dale, the 35-year-old fact checker on CNN got out of breath trying to recount all the times Trump got things wrong. Nor would a normal president compare himself to Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill, two giants of history.

There is no doubt that we’ve never had a president like this one. The question is, will we have one in the future? Once Trump is no longer president will his enablers in the Republican party begin to act more responsibly? Will they continue to be so afraid of getting “primaried” that they resort to the demented hostility that has characterized the Trump era? Or will they turn into a bunch of mini-Trumps? Young Republicans like Tom Cotton and Josh Hawley are clearly waiting in the wings and they could turn out to be more competent versions of Trump minus some of the president’s bizarre behavior. Vice President Mike Pence did not deliver a strong enough blow to turn this presidential race around. But he did well enough to position himself for the future. He is a hardcore conservative without the rough edges and incompetence that has made even Republicans cringe at the endless confusion, contradictions and self-aggrandizement that comes from Trump. Pence simply is much more normal, and my bet is for a return to normal. In the short run it may be the Democrats, and in the long run it could be Pence. America in 2020 is a country craving normalcy. Restaurants, ball games, and movie theaters are all on the list—and politics too.

[awed-frog]

hey! i wanted to let you know that i think your cas/stages of grief meta was absolutely amazing. cas's story never really made sense to me, it always seemed so inconsistent, like they had no idea where they were going with it, and your meta is the first i've read that made me see some central theme in it after all. so kudos for that :) just out of curiosity, you have any idea where they're going with crowley? bc his story is another one that always felt the opposite of straightforward to me.

Whats your hope for Crowleys arc on this season?

Hi! Thank you so much for all that! I am the most awful person, because not only I’m like, two months late in answering this but I’m also going to bundle it up with an anon ask. Sorry, @andallthewildthingsroared!

(I did write the overly long thing I promised you, though, so there’s that.)

I understand where you’re coming from - Crowley’s arc is sort of zigzaggy, but if you take away what was clearly bad characterization (such as that one-off threat to Sam complete with red eyes which never went anywhere), I sort of feel like we can know who Crowley is, and what he wants.

Background

So, just as a summary - we know he was a bastard, and that he had a stable enough relationship with his mother that he remembers her (not fondly), and that she up and left soon enough that it felt like she was abandoning him (eight is a bit soon to fend for yourself, even in the seventeenth century). We know he had a son, and since Gavin’s mother is never mentioned, I want to say unremarkable entity who died in childbirth? Because if this had been his great love, and if she’d survived long enough to be remembered by Gavin, I hope to God that would have been brought up in the narrative (come on). So, either Crowley didn’t give a damn about her, and got saddled with the kid for some reason, or he cared a lot and she died pretty early on and that’s possibly the reason he started being so awful to everybody (hello, John Winchester’s parallels). We also know he was a tailor, which, in those times, and for an orphan, implies either that Rowena used magic to help him out (unlikely for a number of reasons) or that he was actually a very smart, very talented kid who had to work his ass off during his apprenticeship, as was usual for the times. In this case, we’ve got someone whose life was out of his control from a very young age, and who knows what it’s like to be at a master’s whim. 

Demon deal

Now, what doesn’t fit with this picture is the idea a kid like that would sell his soul for a longer dick, as Crowley boasted to have done (also, as amusing as it is, this would be a moot point by now, since Crowley’s in a different body). What I consider more likely is that Crowley’s current vessel - the literary agent in his late forties possibly all work and all play as that job often entails - tried to make a similar deal (and that would be a reason for Crowley to stick with the body afterwards; after all, we know he’s vain and likes to sleep around, so, vessel for vessel, why not go for a bigger dong?); as for Crowley himself, I really can’t guess what happened. Gavin remembers him as a useless drunkard, and he certainly had no riches to pass on - so much so, Gavin was forced to emigrate to the Colonies. What did Crowley gain, exactly, in exchange for his soul? An intriguing possibility is that, like Dean, he took the deal to save someone else - perhaps Gavin himself from some childhood fever - and became a drunk asshole out of blind panic the closer he got to the deadline. I like this explanation, because there was always this weird pull between Crowley and Dean, and this would go a long way towards explaining it; but, really, this is one of those things it’s useless to speculate about - either the show will tell us, or it won’t.

(Another possibility I like, but which would have come up by now, is that Rowena sold her kid’s soul to pay for her own magic - a plot bunny I explored here.)

Whatever his reasons, Crowley’s time in hell took this primal lack of control over his own life and made it a thousand times worse. We still don’t know, exactly, how demons are created, how long it takes, and who decides which eyes you’ll get, and which job you’ll do. This is, like, one of the 2000 things the show could get into instead of inventing new lore (I’m not complaining, though - S11 was magnificent, and S12 has been very good so far). What we do know is that the entire process is excruciatingly painful; that it distorts, or takes away, your human soul. If we think about other soulless creatures we’ve encountered, what Crowley is makes a lot of sense. It’s not about being evil, exactly; it’s more about a lack of caring and empathy. There are moments where Crowley actually reminds me of soulless!Sam - like when he pushed Dean into Cain’s arms just because it was convenient on the short term. 

Crowley the crossroads demon

Becoming a demon is also the worst kind of punishment, we should assume, because it completely takes away your free will.

(This is not exactly true, since we’ve seen a lot of demons doing stuff on the side and betraying their masters left, right and centre - but I want to think those demons breaking ranks parallel the mess that’s going on in Heaven - that these are creatures that, under normal circumstances, ie, pre-Winchesters and pre-Apocalypse, functioned as mindless servants under a king. Like angels, demons can, theoretically, think for themselves, but I feel like they’re not designed to? Although, where the angels craved order - and orders - Crowley was hoping to get support by promising other demons ‘a say, a virgin and all the entrails they can eat’ - which means demons are perhaps not as happy as angels to give up their agency. And, well, it would make sense: they do not belong to a different species, after all. They used to be human.)

And so we’ve got the transformation from human!Crowley, indentured to some abusive master as a boy, to demon!Crowley, who’s got no choice but to follow his torturers around. Except, well, Crowley’s smart (too smart for his own good, probably) and ballsy and free will is something he cares about, very fucking much (and this is another tie to Dean). From what we know, it looks like Crowley schemed and schmoozed his way into acquiring enough weapons, knowledge, powers and secrets that he was almost part of the inner circle which was preparing for Lucifer’s return. And here is where his story gets interesting, because, to get Roman about it, “We rob the world, but he will rifle the deep. If the enemy be rich, Lucifer will be rapacious; if he be poor, Lucifer will lust for dominion; he will make a desert and call it peace.”

Crowley and the Winchesters

I don’t remember if it’s ever explained why Crowley chose to bet on the Winchesters, of all people, to go against Lucifer. I think we’re meant to not question this - to assume that they’re our main characters and fierce hunters and yadda yadda, but it’s still interesting that Crowley would know them - and well, at that. I like to think they’d been on his radar from the very beginning (or, at least, that Sam was) because of Azazel’s demented scheme, and it’s certainly possible Crowley knew everything about their dealings with Hell, including Sam’s death, Dean’s self-sacrifice, and how and why he was saved. He’s been shown, after all, to be one of the most knowledgeable characters on the board, and if he’s been keeping track of the Winchesters for years and years, that would go a long way in explaining his fond exasperation for their antics. 

Now, Crowley is, of course, fascinating and interesting in himself, but what is also worth noting is that his character, like Cas’ (and perhaps even more than Cas’), is relevant in light of his relation to Dean - and Dean’s sexuality.

The first thing here is - unlike Cas, who, inevitably, had a very strong relationship with Dean from the start which made perfect narrative sense, Crowley could always go either way. It can even be argued that logically, it would have made more sense to pair him off with Sam. First of all, there’s the symmetry (Dean and his angel, Sam and his demon); then there’s the fact Crowley’s got more in common with Sam than he does with Dean - the books, the art, the interest in weird languages and weirder mythology, a general ‘the end justifies the means’ attitude - I know we now have years of backstory to influence how we view those characters, but if we take them in isolation - sure, Dean and Crowley would have fun on a night out (and we’ve seen what they do together: play pool, get drunk, sleep it off with a various number of partners of unspecified gender), but Sam and Crowley - now, that had the potential of a real friendship of the minds (as I said, forget about their history and put aside Crowley’s shady morals for a second - can’t you see how much fun they would have had to explore the Bunker’s library together? how they could have planned thefts, Leverage-style, to recover some painting stolen by an oil magnate - how they would have fought at the end, because, of course, Sam wanted to donate it to a museum and Crowley, well, was planning on keeping it, because he0d bloody well earned it?). Sam becoming friends with a demon after the whole Ruby ordeal would have been a huge bout of character growth, in line with his ‘forgive and don’t judge people by their birth’ personality. And as for Crowley, it would have made sense for him to bond with Sam rather than Dean - if only for the obvious reason: Sam could still be (potentially) his future boss. The boy with the demon blood; the only vessel that can hold Lucifer. Honestly, since Crowley never wanted to be king in the first place, it would have made perfect sense for him to seduce Sam (platonically) and then guide him to the throne - there, problem solved. He would have been chief advisor of The One Who Was Foretold, right there at Sam’s right hand to keep an eye on his every decision, and he would have known, because he would have taken the time to get to know Sam, that Sam (even as a demon king) would be a fair ruler - and, more importantly, a ruler loyal to his old friends.

It was, really, the perfect scheme - and yet the idea never came up at all. In fact, Sam and Crowley lost another momentous occasion to get closer to each other - even after Sam fed Crowley his own blood, the relationship between them remained distant at best, and hostile at worst. That always struck me as really, really weird. Sam saw Crowley at his most vulnerable, and despite being Mr Forgiveness, he continues to hate Crowley with a vengeance and the whole thing never comes up at all. Uh.

I mostly think the main reason for this is very simple: Sam ‘I desperately need my own plotline’ Winchester is straight. Very straight. Pairing him with a man would have been weird. Mirroring the relationship Dean has with Cas - weirder. The thing worked until Ruby was around, but with Crowley they would have missed a lot of juicy subtext. And so, once again and despite all odds, Dean got yet another character to add to his court, and Sam was left with nothing more than Lucifer’s mild interest in him (or, as Sam himself put it in entaglednow’s side-splitting series, “Great, you get the epic love story and I get the creepy sadomasochistic non-con.”).

(This is another reason, by the way, why their refusal to be clearer on the whole ‘Dean is bi’ issue is hurting the show: it is partly, or mostly, because they’re desperate to keep that subtext going that Dean gets all the characters - people like Charlie, or Benny, or even Jody offering him to talk in her most suave mom voice - all of these things make sense in the narrative because they’re feeding the underlying subtext. And since this is, objectively, a Big Story and the core of who Dean is, and Sam’s only stake in it would be a tragic ‘I know I said I’d die for him, but I’ll now reject my gay brother out of moral virtue’ nonsense which clearly doesn’t apply to the character, he’s left with literally nothing to do. Really - most of the story seems to gravitate around these two open secrets - Dean’s sexuality, and Dean’s love for Cas; and since, as I said, Sam’s got nothing to do with either, and no reason to be mad about either, he’s left with no narrative role. Only yesterday @tinkdw was saying how the entire myth arc of S11 doesn’t make any sense without Destiel, and she’s perfectly right; most things, for a lot of time, have been about Dean’s heart.

And I want to add that I’m not okay, or happy, with any of this. First, I think it’s dishonest to include so much subtext that it basically props up your whole narrative while denying anything’s going on; and second, Sam’s a fantastic character and there’s a lot he could do - it defies logic and reason that they’re not using him better. Like, I still can’t believe the entire God reveal was only about Dean, that we still haven’t heard how Sam feels about Lucifer being around, that he’s barely had one conversation with his mother, and that he basically has zero relationships with other characters. Come on - there’s so many awesome things you could do with someone like Sam, why aren’t they doing them? On a show that’s supposedly all about the two of them, and only the two of them?)

Crowley’s arc

By having Crowley’s represent Dean’s eros to Cas’ agape (and I want to say this is a learned reference, but I’m really just thinking about YOI right now), the main mirror for Crowley, and therefore his character arc, was firmly established. Crowley would parallel Cas - and viceversa. The journey, for both of them, is to get closer to humanity (and ‘humanity’), and what’s been fascinating is that, of course, they start off in two very different places.

As I said in the beginning, Crowley’s all about control. He’s very Scarlett O’Hara about things, and he’s got good reason to be. In this, he’s heavily paralleled with Cas, but where Cas focuses his newfound (?) free will on everything but himself - hence the Jesus-like characterization - Crowley’s most consistent character trait is his selfishness. All of his schemes, and most of his ambitions, are ultimately directed at saving himself and avoid pain and death, which, to be honest, would be sensible from anyone’s point of view but is particularly understandable if we consider we’re dealing with a soulless creature who’s got no capacity to love and has endured decades, if not centures, of torture. What is most significant about Crowley, therefore, is the same thing that makes Cas stands out: how Crowley is learning about himself, and how to become who he truly is, through his love for Dean. This is something that we discuss every other day, so I won’t get into it (see for instance the ‘drowley’ tag on my blog, or read here, here or here), but it’s clearly become a major part of his character arc. 

(His decision to sacrifice that spear to save Cas, for instance, was a huge step in this direction - selfishness to selflessness - so huge I still can’t believe I watched it with my own two eyes. It will probably be mirrored, quite soon, by Cas making a step of his own - in his case, towards selfishness, ie, the Winchesters’ happiness, and therefore his own, and away from yet another idiotic heavenly battle plan.) 

As for what will come of it - the problem with this kind of Are you truly my enemy? characters - or, well, the trouble with everything - is that there is a limited number pf ways their story can end. And, again, the problem with Crowley and where his story is going is the same problem we have with everything else - Dean, Sam, Destiel and so on: it all depends on which kind of story this is, and what they’re trying to say with it. So, let’s have a look at it.

A) Crowley could remain his slightly evil self and die because of it - this would place Supernatural in a kind of ‘moralistic’ narrative: the good guys triumph, and the bad guys pay the price.

B) Or, he could try to do the right thing and get killed in the process: that’s the definition of tragedy, which somehow works even better when a character was despicable to start with - think Last of the Mohicans, or Severus Snape. In this case, his death would likely be the first (or the last) of many other significant characters.

C) Another possibility is that Crowley could become human, and that would be both interesting and heartbreaking to watch, because we know Crowley is very ambitious, but, as I said, my headcanon is that he became wary and power-hungry because of what was done to him in Hell. After all, Dean did get a kind of special treatment, but what he went through was also the standard procedure to destroy someone’s soul - so drunken tailor Fergus was probably on the rack for decades, until the last shred of humanity left inside him burned and withered, and it’s likely that at some point he had his O'Hara moment and that’s why he always puts himself first: because he’s bloody scared shitless to be vulnerable again. In this sense, a human Crowley would be resentful and terrified - and therefore, a beautiful character to watch.

(Not that there would be anyone left to watch, since if they go there, I think they’ll do it at the last possible moment.)

D) Or, Crowley could remain a demon but shift his priorities so completely as to work with the Winchesters full-time, sort of like Cas did. Now, this would be quite something because Cas and Crowley are often paralleled, but at the same time it would put Crowley in a difficult position: I am sure Sam and Dean would fully accept him as a member of TFW only if Crowley repented and behaved like an unpstanding citizen from then on, and how is all that compatible with being the king of Hell? Plus, what would happen to the other demons? Was Crowley making more demons when he had complete control of Hell? We know he turned Hell more bureaucratic and 'punishment fits the crime’ and whatever, but his demons were still eating human flesh, and I’m not sure they can even survive without? So, well, however noble Crowley’s intentions, that would be an uneasy alliance. If Crowley remains his lovable and snarky demon self, I see more of an Eric Northman ending for him: sure, he gets his throne and all sort of pretty distractions, but he loses his Sookie forever.

E) And finally: Crowley could be killed in a freak ‘accident’, maybe by an ally of the Winchesters who didn’t know he was sort of a friend (Mary is a prime candidate), or by Cas or Sam because of the greater good, or maybe even by Dean himself - but not by choice - and that would be a sort of fridging because it would shift the meaning of his death to the damage it’d do to his killer.

Which hypothesis is more likely? 

Well: first of all, we need to bear in mind a few RL factors. They’ll probably want to keep Mark around because he’s awesome, the fans generally like him so that’s another plus, and I firmly believe they still don’t know how they want Supernatural to end (or even what the next season’s theme is going to be) so a character like Crowley is a godsend, because when weird shit needs to happen or you suddenly need drama or whatever, you can always count on someone like that to make it happen (and that’s another reason why I don’t think Crowley will become human any time soon: it would severely limit the weird shit they can pull off) - which means, it’s likely they’ll keep him around for a while. And also: his death would bring nothing, narratively, to the table. For instance, John’s death and Bobby’s death sort of made sense, because the boys had some growing up to do, and killing someone like Cain or defeating Lucifer was important because it told us our boys are on the Good side even when it’s difficult, but now we know all this. 

To me - if we’re looking at the very end, there are only two ways this makes sense: either Crowley is killed off, or sacrifices himself, in some heartwrenching scenario so that his death will mean Cas or Dean or even Sam lives, or he becomes human - my headcanon is that he’ll still know how to do magic, because I’m a sucker for magician!Crowley - and walks away from the boys entirely. If Supernatural ends in tragedy, then it’s the first option all the way; but if its end is more like, there are no more monsters and you’re now free to open a car repair shop, then it only makes sense that both Cas and Crowley become human. Cas will be the sort of human who still stares up at the sky from time to time and will lie to Dean when Dean asks and say it’s okay (hopefully, Dean won’t believe a word of it and kiss him extra hard that night), and Crowley - Crowley likes to be the centre of attention, so I’m thinking politics. Or maybe he’ll hoodwink his way to the very top of a renowned auction house and meet some wealthy widow at his local golf club, and that will be it - a sort of happy ending, and the occasional drunk call to Dean to reminisce about that happy, happy summer they once had.

[myselfinserts]

“We’re players in a game that I don’t intend to lose.”

Étienne stared at the man before him with a curious level of intrigue. He’d heard horror stories of the man they called Inkwell. He didn’t know which were true. And frankly he didn’t care. 

This was someone Ceri treasured, so he would try to play nice.

Though Inkwell was making that very hard.

“Yet another draw,” Grigor sighed. “I honestly expected a challenge.”

Étienne could feel his eye twitch. “Maybe we should stop playing chess-”

“You’re holding back on me. Worried I’ll get mad or are you trying to win me over for Ceri’s sake? I want you to actually try beating me.”

“I’ll destroy you if you make another comment like that.”

“How can I get you to do your worst on me?”

“Are you even listening?”

“I got it!”

“You’re not even listening.”

“Let’s have a wager.”

Étienne stared at him, his urge to leave growing every second. 

“One last game,” Grigor proposed. “If you win, I’ll pay the normal price to have you update my gloves.” He leaned forward, his inky stare glimmering with mischief. “But if I win, I pay you double.”

“You what?” Étienne asked. “That makes no sense.”

Grigor smirked, his voice low and inviting. “It does though. You’re Ceri’s special someone. And I’m going to test you to make sure you won’t destroy him.”

This man is insane, he thought. He seriously thinks a game of chess like this is a test? “What-”

“We’re players in a game that I don’t intend to lose, Étienne Allard. I want to know if you’re worth all the hype Ceri has toward you.” Their playful demeanor vanished, replaced with cold despair and warm compassion. “He’s been through enough. I just want to make sure you’re at least half the man he claims you are. If you have the integrity to stand up for what’s right by him.”

Étienne stared at the old hero before him, trying to get a read on him. Needless to say, it was impossible at this point. He’d gone back to the cheshire grin. 

“Very well,” he relented. “I’ll see your wager.”

Grigor cackled. “Perfect. Now, no holding back. Give me your worst.”

Étienne smirked. “Very well.”

They played once again. The atmosphere changed. It wasn’t awkward or annoying. It was rather exhilarating. It was rather nice to be able to enjoy this challenge. He watched as Inkwell became flustered, trying to keep pace with him. There was something different about this game. But he didn’t care to look into it.

He only cared about his win.

“Checkmate,” Étienne declared. “Now, I think that’s enough nonsense-”

“You’re an honest man.”

Étienne stopped, raising an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

“I think it’s time to change it up. How about mancala?” Grigor began to clean up the chess board. “You know, I’ve proposed the exact same wager to support designers in the past. And caterers, artists, musicians, even other Heroes and civilians. They all threw the games intentionally to get more money, or because they thought I’d be angry if I ever lost.” His gaze had softened, lingering on the pairs of queens and kings before them. “I knew if that was the kind of person Ceri fell for, I’d have to correct him. People like that oft turn to people like Abney should they not harbor pure intent.” He looked at Étienne, handing him the little golden king. “You on the other hand, are an honest man. No matter how your relationship with Ceri continues or ends, I know I can trust his heart to you. You’re a good man, Mr. Allard.”

Étienne stared at him, trying to figure out what was going on. This wasn’t the same man he was playing chess with just a moment ago. He was tired. More haggered. Almost...lonely.

With a gentle sigh, he accepted the king. “I’m not a good man. You’re just insane.”

“Perhaps,” Grigor conceeded. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t still trust you. If you ever need someone to...take care of matters. I’ll personally make any problems go away.”

“...I’ll keep that in mind.”

Inkwell is insane, he decided. But perhaps...I can come to trust him as well.

“By the way,” Inkwell hummed. “There’s something I need to tell you...”

Étienne looked at him, perplexed. “What is it now?”

“You’re an honest, good man. You take no nonsense. I like that in an artist.” He set the chess set on the bookshelf, pulling out the mancala board. “I’m certain this isn’t something you need to know, but I’m saying it anyway, because unwanted advice is something that I’m damned good at giving.”

As he set up the game, Étienne poured himself another cup of tea. “Very well. What is it?”

“If you ever want to win a battle before it begins, never let your enemy get an inch in edgewise. You’re better than them. Find the chink in the armor and slay.”

Étienne stood on the porch, watching as the red haired Heroine approached. Rage burned in his veins as he saw her. Not just his own, but Reginald’s as well. But there was another feeling there. Something softer. Something he came to understand was genuine care for Mary. Something that, had Étienne never come face to face with him, would have prompted Regi to possibly have stayed with her for the rest of his days. 

There was a part of Reginald that still wonders if he’d have been happy with Mary.

But Étienne knew, deep down, Reginald and Mary wouldn’t have lasted.

Especially as long as Lucien had stuck around.

There were happy memories. Gentle date nights, kind gestures, words of love and care. They were all genuine. She really did love him, and he really used to love her. Étienne acknowledged this.

But there was so much bad that Reginald had brushed off. The controlling actions, the constant decisions made before consulting him, the harsh criticisms of Reginald that slowly wore him down over time until he lacked any kind of self confidence, the yelling. Oh god, did Mary yell. It was a wonder Regi didn’t leave her sooner.

He was weak, back then. He didn’t know he could have had better.

And he was weak now. He’s struggling to find himself, lost in the memories that were not his.

She could easily take him back now.

And like hell Étienne was going to let him fall back into her control.

Mary walked into the yard, leaving the gate open (oh how they both hated that habit of hers), smiling and holding up a grocery bag. And for just a vague moment, a fleeting second, he felt a warmth in his chest. Not as strong as the one for Luci, but not small enough to ignore completely.

He ignored it anyway.

“Hello,” Mary greeted. “I’m here to see-”

“Leave.”

Mary blinked, smile faltering. “Ah, you must be Étienne-”

“You’re not welcome here,” Étienne interjected. “Reginald is not well enough to deal with your ‘shenanigans’ as he’d try to politely put it, so I’m going to politely ask you to leave before I make you.”

Her face became as red as her hair. “Who do you think-”

“You’re not welcome here, Mary McMiller, and you haven’t been welcome here since the day you broke into Luci’s personal records. Reginald has standards for his close circle, and you proved a long time ago that you don’t meet them.”

“How dare-”

“He’s been happier since you moved out and quite frankly, from what I’ve seen, I’m surprised he didn’t dump your ass the day he figured out that he was Bisexual. And as the one he came out to first as well as his best friend, I can safely say that poor soul probably would never have come to that conclusion with the level of care you took in isolating him.”

Mary started to go pale. “What are you-”

“He doesn’t have any lady friends outside of Phoenix and L and I have no doubt you’re part of the reason why. Then again, I’m shocked he and I even managed a friendship with you constantly deciding where he would be staying when he traveled, texted him three times a day at every meal, planned all his outfits, decided on dates before even asking him if he was free and wasn’t bogged down with scientific research that could save millions. You realize he’s actually incredibly coulrophobic right? And that he often hides it because of work but ends up sleeping on his cot in the lab just so people don’t see him crying to sleep from fear? Oh wait, of course not. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made him watch IT and Killer Clowns from Outer Space back to back. He’s been needing therapy for that for years and it wasn’t until Luci had to drag his ass to the doctor that he got help for it and by god did your pathetic lack of empathy do a number on him.”

Étienne knew he’d probably be going to far. Something inside him, probably the too kind half of Regi’s memories causing his head to ache, was asking him to stop.

But he didn’t listen to it. The rage both he and Reginald had was just a little too strong.

“I don’t,” Mary stammered. “I didn’t-”

“You didn’t know,” Étienne moaned. “The tired ol’ excuse you’d give him every time you made him angry or upset him or did something that put him in a position where he’d have to reveal a major weakness that he didn’t trust you enough to tell you and honestly? If you’d bothered learning proper communication, maybe he’d have trusted you enough. Remember when he told you that he can barely watch horror movies as is? And you planned a horror movie marathon anyway? Or what about the time he told you that he was allergic to papayas and you got him a Tropic Paradise smoothie at the local juice bar?”

Mary nearly dropped the bag as she stumbled back, trying to get away as he got up closer with a glare. “Please stop-”

He adjusted his glasses, giving her the strongest, most demented grin he could muster. “Oh no, no. Am I getting too loud?” 

The wind slowly picked up. Mary was shaking. Étienne had completely torn her down. And she would not be recovering from this for a while. 

He wondered if he’d gone too far. 

But then the memories began to pound away in his mind. The mixtures and good and bad, all set to one of Regi’s many confusing playlists. The nights of crying alone. The pain of wondering if he was broken. The seemingly happy nature of everything around him. So much people pleasing. So much praise for being so amazing. The power couple expectations. The fear. The love. The hatred. The glory.

The loneliness.

The loneliness that swam into every corner of his being.

Oh god, it wanted to swallow him whole again.

But he couldn’t let it. 

Not now.

“Your past actions have proven you are not to be trusted with his welfare,” Étienne stated bluntly. “And if you think I’m going to let you any closer to that door, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Mary’s lip quivered and she handed him the bag. “You win...I’ll leave now...” 

“Good.”

“Please take good care of him...” She crossed her arms, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry...”

Without another word, she left, closing the gate behind her. 

Étienne looked inside the bag, making sure there wasn’t anything potentially harmful. Inside was a case of IRN Bru, some salt and vinegar crisps, a box of chocolates, a tin of nice loose leaf chamomile, a stuffed clown bear with a “get well soon” sign, and a bottle of papaya juice. 

“I expect nothing and yet still I’m left disappointed.” He took out the bear and juice and chucked it in the nearby bin as he went back inside. Meatloaf was staring down at him from her perch, but made no noise. Luci was sitting on the couch with freshly made tea. 

“How did it go?” they asked nervously.

Étienne simply smiled. 

“She won’t be coming back anytime soon.”

[ricardosousalemos]

Black Flag: Damaged

As the last song on Damaged begins, Henry Rollins introduces himself. “My name’s Henry and you’re here with me now,” he says. Then he growls, as he does on and off throughout the rest of the song. “I don’t even care about self-destruction anymore.” The song ends, and he’s nearly breathless. “Damaged, my damage!” He sounds like he’s gone through several lifetimes of torture. “No one comes in. Stay out!” It’s 1981 and he is 20 years old.

Rollins joined Black Flag less than a year earlier when he was just a fan who viewed them as hardcore punk godheads. In his memoir, Get in the Van, Rollins wrote of watching the band perform: “It was one of the most powerful things I’ve ever seen,” he said. “All the songs were abrupt and crushing. Short bursts of unbelievable intensity. It was like they were trying to break themselves into pieces with the music.” At that point, Dez Cadena was the vocalist, with bassist Chuck Dukowski and guitarist Greg Ginn handling the songwriting. When Cadena decided to move to rhythm guitar, Rollins was recruited to try out. Offered the spot, he accepted, and quit his day job managing a D.C. Häagen-Dazs store to moved to California to be the new lead singer of Black Flag.

In the trifecta of early ’80s hardcore, alongside Minor Threat and Bad Brains, Black Flag crystallized what hardcore could do at its most crowd-pleasing. Minor Threat was more existential, and Bad Brains more romantic. Black Flag took the ethos of fast and loud and made it into a lifestyle. Though they’d achieved success as a band before Rollins, it’s the tone of his voice, simultaneously conveying anger and empathy, that elevates Damaged to its rightful position as a cornerstone document in the history of punk.

Thirty-five years on, Damaged still sounds absolutely berserk. Though made up of what is easily identifiable as “songs,” the record is at its most formidable when it becomes chaotic. Bassist Chuck Dukowski’s bass sounds like rubbing two giant sticks together to start a fire. His playing often feels like the way a Cro-Magnon man might approach rhythm, harsh and mean. Guitarist Greg Ginn is a wizard, playing his guitar like it’s a dental drill. With Cadena keeping some semblance of structure, Ginn shreds riffs apart, extending them into mini-solos across half a verse. He’s closer in spirit to Jerry Garcia or Sonny Sharrock than other hardcore guitarists. His playing is violently virtuosic, sliding between wild, fuzzed-out abandon and the immaculate conception of the chug that makes hardcore so exciting. While Cadena and Black Flag’s parochial drummer Robo establish a basic lifeline of stability, Ginn throws paint on the canvas straight from the bucket.

Damaged does have its semi-traditional moments, and they all suffer from the band trying too hard. Consider the fairly crappy pogoing punk number “TV Party,” something of a cult classic for its singalong chorus. It’s perfectly banal, this dumb little song taking potshots at normies who want to “watch TV and have a couple of brews,” which may or may not have posed a threat to the way of life of Black Flag and their fans. But on an album that is otherwise adventurous, sarcastically shouting out “The Jeffersons” and “Hill Street Blues” is an unnecessary tug back to earth. These are bad details. The more they seem like feral animals, the better.

They’re at their scuzzy best on songs like “Spray Paint,” which is just 32 seconds long. It begins with a second or two of feedback, like an engine revving, before taking off. “It feels good to say what I want/It feels good to knock things down/It feels good to see the disgust in their eyes,” Rollins sings. When the chorus hits, Robo stomps the crash cymbal, and the band screams the refrain: “Spray paint the walls!” They’re the kids of Lord of the Flies with guitars instead of spears.  

So thank god for Henry Rollins, a beacon. Previous singers of Black Flag are cult favorites, but none could penetrate through the wall of sound like him. His desperation is the centerpiece of the album, pleading with you—with himself—for release from pain song after song. His clarity of tone balances out Ginn and Dukowski, and he acts as a sort of ringleader pulling in tentative listeners and converting them into fans. On songs when he’s hurting, particularly “Damaged I,” he can be hard to listen to, but he is always impossible to ignore, like an actor dying in convincingly dramatic fashion on screen.

It’s the album’s inherent violence—both self-inflicted (as suggested by the cover image of Rollins punching out his reflection in a mirror), and that which is brought to bear upon well-deserving abusers—that makes the album’s hate and danger so attractive. Hardcore has continued to evolve, and the adrenaline offered by Damaged has been absorbed wholesale by hundreds of other groups. Straight edge hardcore groups utilized Black Flag’s scorched-earth approach, abandoning subtlety for unadorned aggression. Grindcore and thrash bands traded heaviness for speed; listening to them is like cheering on a car race. From Los Crudos to G.L.O.S.S., bands have narrowed the rage present in the lyrics of Damaged and used them to motivate political action, where Black Flag just kind of seemed to be bothered by unfairness.

When Damaged emerged, though, it was an anomaly. In the 1981 LA Times review of the album, Robert Hilburn compared the band to melodic punk rock group X five separate times. Though he loved the album, he noted, “The group’s grinding guitar attack … still lacks the brightness of X’s often rockabilly-accented arrangements.” That may seem like an absurd comparison now, but in 1981, the cultural and sonic space between a poppy band like X and one like Black Flag was not so large. The many shades of grey in between had yet to be defined in detail. Damaged was such a leap forward for punk, the only point of reference was miles behind.

That’s changed. Hardcore was just beginning in the early ’80s, evolving out of punk rock. This was a time before the genre splintered in a million fractions, and they were essentially all contained with Damaged: trash, grindcore, youth crew. None of those really existed in ’81, whereas now they all have a deep canon of often absolutely brutal-sounding records. We’re not yet at the place where a record like Damaged sounds quaint, but Black Flag have a lot more competition in their bid for catharsis through intensity now. And even forgetting hardcore entirely, rap is often the place wild teens look for thrills.

I first heard Damaged in the mid-’90s, when I was 12 or 13. Every song was an anthem. Black Flag railed against “them”; for me, that equaled teachers, parents, jocks. Authority is authority is authority—smash it all. now, as an adult, would I find it as remarkable as I did then? Listening to Damaged now sometimes feels as much an anthropological experience as much as a visceral one. There is a certain pleasure in reverse engineering the album’s controlled chaos. Over time, Black Flag has achieved a mythological status, and searching for the source of their timeless potency can lead to a wormhole of ephemera. Their music alone may not have sustained such fervid devotion.

In a sense, then, Damaged has survived more as a historical living document than as a piece of art. Should it be considered as it was written in the early Reagan years on the cusp of a technological revolution? Just like a well-armed militia has a very different meaning now than in 1776, perhaps the way we heard Damaged has, and should, change. Hardcore, at its most potent, has always dealt with problems pertinent to the time and place we live now. Most of the hatred expressed on Damaged is vague, “They hate us/We hate them.” The utility of that unspecificity may have run its course. We don’t live in forever, we live in a very volatile now.

Perhaps the best way to experience Black Flag was as Rollins once did: in concert, something Damaged can only imitate. Head to YouTube for a show in Hartford in 1982 and watch a shirtless, scruffy, and jacked Rollins roll around on the floor, arching his back like getting he’s getting zapped back from the dead. Dukowski smacks the bass strings more than he plays them. It’s basically impossible to see what Ginn is actually doing, his hands up and down on the strings, back and forth on his guitar neck, like he’s playing some kind of demented game of catch. The audience sings the words, comes up on stage, hangs out there. No one in the band minds. Or maybe they don’t even notice, zoned out on their own planet. Watch them play in Philadelphia in 1982. Rollins keeps getting punched by a member of the crowd. He leans into it. After a few rounds of getting hit, Rollins clocks the daylights out of him. It’s a real baptism by fire. For the wrong listener, Damaged may be just noise. But for the right one, perhaps it is too.